Hold On (Book 1 of It's Not Over)

Months

In one month we'd be graduating. Done with high school. Officially adults. Well, except for Logan. He had only recently turned 17. But still. In one month we would all become responsible for ourselves. We would have to make sure we stuck to our schedules. We would have to make sure that we ate regularly. We would have to make sure that we did what we needed to when we needed to. I don't think Roman and Remus were ready for that level of responsibility.

In two months Dark Sides would be recording our first album. My dad had read over the contract and agreed to us signing it. We had a label. He also found a manager for us to help make sure we were doing okay while on the road. While we were on the road.

In three months we would be going on tour and getting our name out there. We would no longer be a garage band. We would no longer be five high school boys who played birthday and office parties. We would be the band no one knew who was opening for bigger bands. That wasn't completely true though. Roman had been recording us when we practiced and had posted the videos on his YouTube channel. Mainly because it gave his followers something to watch between the shorts he did with his theater friends. But also because he really enjoyed showing off all the hard work the band did. And then when I joined it was to show off the cute emo, later his hot boyfriend, who was the lead singer.

In four months Logan, De, and I would be starting our online studies. Working on degrees while also being full-time musicians. It was scary. It was nerve wracking. Mainly for me because I wasn't sure if I had the discipline to keep myself focused on my school work without a teacher looking over me. Logan kept reassuring me that he would hover over me to make sure I got my work done. He also kept telling me that he knew I could do it just by seeing how much work I put into my homework.

In six months Roman and I would be having our one year anniversary. We would all be taking a break to have Thanksgiving with our families. But Roman and I would also be celebrating a year since he first asked me out. A year since our first date. A year since he became an even more constant in my life that helped to keep me grounded.

It has been nine months since the car accident that almost took me from my brother and father. Since the incident that has me double checking that my seatbelt is fastened. That has me scared to death of our upcoming tour. That has me wondering if your buses have seatbelts and if we can get some put in ours.

Eight months since Patton and I started high school in Florida and met four guys I never knew I would become best friends with. Since Patton met a wonderful girl that understands and accepts that he's polyamorous and even jumped for joy when he asked a guy he liked out and he said yes. A wonderful girl that consoled him when the guy made him feel like shit for being poly, Roman held me back when I wanted to kick his ass for making Pat upset.

Seven months since my first trip to Disney. Roman swore that if we weren't back in Florida come October we had better be in California so we could keep up the tradition of spending Halloween at a Disney park. Since Roman found out my secret and took me to what is now our spot to relax and watch the sun set.

Six months since Roman asked me out on our first date. I still remember how shocked I was when he asked. How nervous and excited I felt. The fear of rejection on his face that gave way to that beautiful smile of his when I said yes. Six months since Logan came to live with my family because his father kicked him out. While he's had a couple of self-harming episodes he's seemed happier since being with us.

Five months since our first Christmas in Florida. Since Logan last hurt himself. Since Pat and I met De's grandparents and father. Since we first learned how scary De can be when he's angry with someone.

Four months ago I decided to go to college and study psychology. Patton asked Sunniva out on a date. Roman and I nearly broke up because he was afraid he would lose me to Logan. Roman learned the real reason why Logan was staying with us and about my history with self harm.

February was just three months ago. Whoa. Roman and I spent an entire night watching horror films and cuddling and then the following day we watched Disney movies and hung out. Three months ago that I realized I didn't just love him, but I was in love with him.

Two months ago I fainted. I laid into Carter, finally too tired of his shit to quietly ignore him. I saw my neurologist and finally got testing done to find out about my zoning out and shit. Roman and I skipped school because I had an anxiety attack and clawed open my arms. Patton Lea Ned the real reason Logan was staying with us and tried to fight a grown man that was much bigger than him. I talked about what happened with my mum.

Last month. Last month Roman and I became closer. I watched him get confused by a beautiful girl hitting on him. I danced for the first time in years without breaking down. We were asked for a demo of our music. We wrote five new songs. Roman decided to be a permanent fixture in the band. I learned that I have epilepsy.

This month we're writing more songs. We're practicing every weekend. Roman and I are spending even more time together. We signed with a record label. Remus has been so focused on finals and music that he hasn't made Roman threaten to kill him. Yet.

This month I'm excited for tomorrow.

This month I'm scared for tomorrow.