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In space,
gravity doesn't
press against
the astronauts.
There's nothing
holding them
back.
As freeing as
this sounds,
it leads to
muscle weakening
and bone loss.
Which is kind of
petrifying.
They work out
for two hours
a day.
I try
to compete;
to prepare
for a mission
I'll never
be invited to.
With a
modified version
accounting for gravity,
I take
100 push-ups
to 45 seconds
(it doesn't
usually
go that well),
air squats
on fancy
machinery designed
to make sure
the astronaut
doesn't float away
to 45 seconds of
normal squats
(because I am
pretty heavily
weighed down).
Punctuated by
15 second intervals
of rest;
jumping jacks,
pull-ups
(bent over row
with dumbbells)
and lunges follow.
This regimen
is repeated
3 times,
preceded by
a warm up and
succeeded by
cool-down
stretches.
Though I never
make it
that far
before my
lungs
quit on me.

Curse them
for taking
everything
from me.

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