Remember; You Have the Universe

[ 71 ]

My friend whispers,
asking if I'm
okay,
and I lay my
head on the
table we share,
distressed and
impatient,
waiting for the
seconds to tick down.
I tell her
I think I am
fine, but she
says she hasn't
seen me
shake like this
before.
I can't handle
processing a
conversation right now,
so I tune her out,
frantically
turning my phone
back on
each time it
darkens,
hoping that
this time,
it'll be available.
I grow to hate
the little
lock symbol as my
panic grows,
thriving on
my chaotic body.

It finally unlocks,
and I
read her
instructions to
sit down so I
don't fall as far
and make sure
someone has my
back if I
do collapse.
My friend and I
consider going
out into
the hall until
things calm down,
but I end up
psyching myself
out so much that
she gets up
abruptly,
and stands in front of
the teacher's desk
which is now
surrounded by
a few other
students
trying to get his
attention now that
the test is
pretty much over
and they don't
have to be quiet.
She cuts trough
all their voices,
informing him firmly
that we are
leaving.
He looks up,
and sees me
basically having a
seizure,
and concern
splashes across
his features.

"Is she okay?"

My friend
doesn't have
much of an
answer for him.
Together we
stumble down
the hall,
pretending we
don't pass
a boy I once
dated
or the
awkwardness
that will ensue
if he asks questions.

It is
a low key kind of
hectic in the
Attendance Office
when I
come spilling in,
but Monique tells
my friend to
set me on
the couch.

Monique finishes up with
the parent she's
helping
then leaves
Shelley
to hold down
the fort
and squats
in front of me,
holding my
trembling hands
still
while she
talks to me.
She asks me
what was going on
and I keep
telling her
I don't know
what is happening
to me
or why.
I pretend that
it's no
big deal,
and crack jokes about
my body
having a party
that I wasn't
invited to,
but really,
as my body
flails around
on the couch,
shaking and ticking and
completely
losing it...

I'm scared.