signed fate

< 23 >

"Don't stress yourself too much Hanbin-ah", Lisa lightly kicked the side of his swing, as he seemed to be too deep in his own world. He reacted quickly by shaking his head and smiling at Lisa. She knew his smile meant to reassure her, that he was doing just fine - that she had no need to worry about him.

"I'm sorry for ruining the mood lately, it wasn't my intention to do so", he apologized, while staring at her with his puppy eyes. Lisa's heart fluttered at this sight, but she quickly recovered by returning the kindest smile she had to offer. He carried so many worries on his back, it was surprising to her, that he was still sane. Everyone else would've gone mad with this much on their plate.

Lisa stood up, sighing, and stepped towards Hanbin's swing, that was right next to hers.

"By now you should know, that your presence does anything, but ruin the mood for me", she reached out for his hand, without stopping to smile. He eyed her hand, before taking it to stand on his feet again.

Rather than letting go, Lisa intertwined their hands and went for the next bench, so both of them could comfortably sit down beside each other.

"It's crazy... I wrote so many songs throughout the past years and yet I can't seem to write any song, that would fit to be a debut song", Hanbin murmured, Lisa wasn't sure, whether he was talking to himself or to her. However, she decided to listen and try to erase his worries.

"The best ideas appear during crazy circumstances, it's alright to stress yourself, but don't let it take you over", Lisa said as she glanced at the moon, that seemed to be farer away than usual. It felt like just the two of them were in an empty world and sometimes Lisa couldn't help but wish for that to become reality.

"We have been waiting to debut for so long and now that we have the opportunity to, there is no song", he sounded overly depressed and it teared Lisa's heart apart to see him like that. He managed to become someone precious to her and she wished, he would get to feel the happiest every single day.

He leaned his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. Lisa was sure, he heard her crazy heartbeat, although his head wasn't even lying on that area.

"Lisa-yah... are you honestly not getting tired of me?"

She responded by putting her right hand on his head and playing with the strands of his brown hair.

Getting tired of him? He must be tired of her, if ever.

"I don't think I have the ability to get tired of anything regarding you", she whispered and felt her cheeks heat up. Despite being in a relationship with Hanbin, her shyness didn't decrease. The last part of her sentence seemed even non-existent due to the low volume of her voice. "... my heart feels so full, even when I'm just thinking about you"

"Lisa..."

"So don't grow these depressing thoughts, Hanbin-ah, I know you can do way better than that!", she started to shout out of nowhere, probably to conceal her embarrassment. "I just know any song you write will be a huge success and even if it wasn't... keep in mind, that your biggest fan will always be there to cheer."

Suddenly he took Lisa's hand - which was still on his head, playing with his hair - and put it on his chest. Her eyes widened with every heartbeat, she felt through his chest. She eyed his head, that was still on her shoulder.

"This is only a small piece, of what goes on inside me, when you're around", he spoke with so much sincerity, Lisa had to remind herself to properly take a breath.

"Actions do speak louder than words, but I feel like expressing myself in both ways, as much as I can... I love you, Lisa, and I don't see the end of it."

Every single flashback must have haunted her mind, until she finally arrived at the hospital and was able to convince Hanbin's manager to let her see him. Fortunately, she already knew his manager and was able to win sympathy through that.

However, standing in front of his bed - without saying a word, just breathing unsteadily - didn't seem to be ideal either.

She was glad to see, that his leg injury wasn't big of a deal, but still - the fact, that he was injured in the first place, made her mad. Without knowing, where to direct her anger to - she directed it at him. Although she knew, that injuries were meant to happen a few times during an idol's career, she managed to get angry at him for it.

"I hate you so much", she practically spit out through gritted teeth and watched him eye her in confusion.

"Lisa-"

"I wish every memory of you inside my head, would vanish already", she continued and stared down at him in angry despair. Lisa wasn't just mad at him for getting an injury, she was angry about caring for him. Angry about every detail connected to him. "I don't understand this anymore! I should be laughing, having fun and enjoying my life, but here I am in front of you, who destroyed the good memories of my very first love!"

Instead of saying anything, he took her hand and brushed his thumb over it. He wasn't sure, whether it would calm her down, but it did calm him down.

Lisa looked at their hands with tears building up in her eyes. She fell down on her knees, next to his bed, and buried her face in his blanket. Looking back, it would definitely make her feel nothing but pathetic. She felt weak and this was the outcome of it.

"Why, Hanbin? Why does history seem to repeat itself? I don't want this", the words left her mouth with not only despair, but also a hint of tiredness. She was more than tired of not seeing an end to something, that happened years ago. Something that was meant to be a great memory, turned out to be a traumatic experience. "Why can't we just go back to being strangers?"

He put his free hand on her head.

"Strangers... don't look at each other like that", he answered in only one sentence, which led her to lock eyes with him.

Unfortunately, he was right.

There was no chance, strangers looked at each other that way.

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*the first part of this chapter, which is written in italics, is supposed to be a flashback from back then, when Lisa and Hanbin were still dating^^