A Life in my Perspective

Chapter 6 - The Truth

Once I got upstairs, I lay down on my back on my bed and cried. I couldn’t take any more of these memories. I wished that I never lived my life and right there at that moment I was thinking of suicide. I didn’t want to stop myself. I really wanted to do it. So I sat up with my legs dangling down the side of my bed and I got the pen that was on my bedside table and put my wrist in front of my face. I then scratched the pen as hard as I could across my wrist.

At that moment Ryan came storming through the door and ran over to the bed. With no hesitation, he snatched the pen from my hand. I let him. He sat on the corner of my bed hugging me tightly whilst I cried in pain. In pain of my past and my soon to come future.

We sat there for a while as part of my wrist bled. He hadn’t realised that I had cut through my skin at first. I looked up at him as I saw a tear come to his eye. He looked down to see my watery red eyes looking at him. I put my wrist out and looked at it to make it catch his eye. Once he saw it he grabbed it and pushed down on the wound to stop the bleeding.

“PAUL!” he shouted still holding my wrist.

I could now see a tear forming in his eye. I now knew I had caused him damage and felt really bad.

Not long after he shouted, Paul came running up the stairs with some unwanted visitors behind him. I didn’t want anyone! I wanted Ryan and only Ryan.

He told Paul everything and whilst he was explaining it, I felt dizzy and sleepy. I was still conscious but I couldn’t speak or move. It was a horrible experience.

Then Paul called an ambulance whilst Ryan lifted me up bridal style and took me downstairs and put me in the office. My eyes were slightly open so I could still see his panicked face. It was such a relief to know that he was by my side and I was wishing that he would come with me. I could not do this on my own. I really wanted my mum at this point, but I can’t see her. The annoying thing is I knew the truth. I knew that she was innocent, but I can’t prove it.

Once I got in the ambulance I saw Paul and Ryan come in with me. Once we got to the hospital I was wheeled to a room where we waited for what seemed like a long time. Ryan sat there on the chair leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands sticking out into the room. He looked worried and I just wish I could move and talk and say ‘everything is going to be alright’ but I couldn’t.

I was put onto a bed and hooked up to this weird looking machine. It was to help my breathing.

 I didn’t realise that doing this, would affect so many people, I was just hoping that I could end my life from everything that had happened to me.  From all this thinking I had finally gone to sleep. I didn’t know if I was sleeping or if I had just passed out but when I woke up, Ryan was there holding my hand.

He was such a good friend to me. He is like the brother I never had. Paul was also by my side. He was like the dad I should’ve had.

“I’m sorry” I said as I looked at Ryan hoping he would forgive me.

“I’m just glad you’re okay” He replied.

“I’ll leave you two to it” Paul said as he exited the room.

“What’s wrong? Why did you do it?” he said sounding worried.

“It was just Tom” I said almost crying.

“What do you mean?”

“He reminded me of my dad”

“what was wrong with your dad?” He asked puzzled.

“He was an evil man” I summarised.

He then looked at me wanting more of the story.

“When I was young, my dad used to abuse my mum, they then went to court and my dad lied and ended up winning me. My mum couldn’t ever see me again. My dad treated me badly by starving me. I had to choice but to run away”

“Is that why you’re so good at running?”

“Yeah. Then once, I ran away and my dad came behind me in the car and hit me. He then went to prison and I got stuck here” I explained.

“why did your dad lie to have you in court if he wasn’t going to give you any attention”

“He wanted to prove a point”

“which was?” he asked. There was a small thinking pause.

“I don’t know?”

“so you’re at Heartlock because of your dad?”

“yeah”

“I need some air” he said as he stood up.

“okay?” I said confused.

He exited the room.