A Life in my Perspective

Chapter 5 - The Memories

I stayed in my room for a long time. I had got dressed in my short loose tank top that went off one shoulder and jeans. I didn’t want any dinner. Because dad never used to feed me, I never really had much of an appetite. I was used to the small rations of porridge every other day and a few bits of bacon that he hadn’t eaten.

About 10 minutes had passed and I was still in my room. I was unaware that they were all waiting for me to come downstairs so they could start. They all seemed so polite here.

Just then Paul came upstairs and knocked on my door.

“Yeah” I said in a quiet voice. Then Pauls 50 year old head popped around the corner.

“We are waiting for you downstairs, I thought you said you were only going to get changed?” he said to me opening the door a bit more and taking a step in my room

“I don’t want any dinner thanks”

“You have to eat something; you had to run home didn’t you?”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I’m hungry” I replied sitting in my usual position on my bed.

“You might not want anything to eat, but at least come and say hi to everyone, you haven’t said a word to them since you arrived”

“I’ve been busy” I used as an excuse

“Is there a reason you don’t want to meet them?”

“No…” I lied. There was no real reason. I just didn’t feel comfortable around a large gang. Dad had a gang. They used to crowd around me and say they are ‘protecting’ me.

“There is a seat opposite Ryan so you don’t even have to look at them of you don’t want to, I know you’re shy but..” and before he finished his sentence I screamed in his face “IM NOT SHY” then I ran out the door and went downstairs. I don’t know what came over me. I was so angry, that one word ‘shy’ makes me so mad. I’m not shy, I have reasons. Difficult reasons and I have no one to talk to them about I need to talk to Ryan about how I feel but I just can’t.

I ran downstairs and tried to calm myself down before entering a large dining hall with a huge table in. As I walked in, all these faces stared at me. I slowly walked to the seat opposite Ryan. As I went to go and pull the chair out, his foot had beaten me to it.

“Thanks” I said to him smiling

“Can we eat now” Shannon (one of the kids) said.

“Yes dig in everyone, sorry for the wait” Sam said who was sitting at the head of the table.

Shannon was one of the older ones. She was 16 and was looking for a place so she could move out. I didn’t know much about her because she stayed in her room all the time. She never came out. Only for food. I don’t even think she was there when I arrived.

Everyone scooped the curry up with their spoons and shoved it in their mouths like they haven’t eaten for ages and this is the first thing they’ve eaten all day. I know how that feels.

I just sat back on my chair and watched Ryan eat. Somehow even with curry round his mouth he still looks cute.

Meanwhile I realised that this other boy Tom wasn’t eating at all. He was sitting there gawking at me like I was some sort of celebrity. I don’t know why. I’m not even that pretty. I’ve got really long brunette hair because I never got it cut, brown eyes and I’m really skinny. I'm not the nice kind of skinny either I’m mostly bony. I didn’t get much food so I didn’t have much fat on me. All of the exercise I used to do for dad made me a lot fitter.

“Can I help you?” I asked him

At that moment everyone looked round to see what was happening.

“Nothing” he replied.

Then Taylor laughed and said “tommy has a girlie” in her high pitched voice. Most people laughed others just went along with it. I just rolled my eyes. Taylor is 6 years old and no one knows why she got put into care. I don’t even think she knows herself even if she did, she wouldn’t talk about it. I guess no one likes talking about it. I certainly don’t.

Then Tom looked at me again but these weird eyes looked familiar I had definitely seen them before. And then it hit me. Those are the eyes my dad used to give me when he was going to abuse me. He would look at me all lovingly and then put me down in the cellar. It was dark cold and damp down there and it was like getting trapped in a horror film.

I sprinted up the stairs because I couldn’t take it anymore and then Ryan dropped everything and came running after me.