So how do I say this?
You can skip a part to this chappy. I don't care. idontcare
Irene
I look over to the same message Lisa has sent to me midnight before my birthday. It's a short or should I say, shortest greeting that I ever received but still lift my spirit in so much way. For the least, she still greeted me.
lalalisa_m: Happy Birthday!
I felt like crying. It's been 4 months? 6 months? I can't remember. I lost count already. And each day passes by, I wished accidentally stumble to her. To see her, to touch her, coz this situation she's putting us in is a heavy torture.
No contacts, she only even greeted me through dm in IG. BlackPink was in and out of the country for the past days. Pictures of her circulated everywhere.
Lisa spotted with a model fan, Lisa receiving gifts from a well known TV personality, an actor confessing his love for her on a live. There's a lot to my heart to deal with. It's harder like this.
Even award shows, Lisa sticks to my words. Ignoring me while I don't know her. BlackPink and Red Velvet are known to be friends, so there are times we're standing next to each other but we couldn't dare to talk or even look.
There are times I spot her bringing juice like she always do to Mina and chatting with some boygroups that I,-for sure are her friends. But I'd be lying if I say I'm not jealous. I always do. I prefer closings my eyes to scenes like that. I found Lisa sometimes staring and later on, she's the one who's distancing herself from them.
Sometimes it makes me wonder. Months already passes, there are a lots who wants her. Who wants to be with her that are not subtle anymore. Will she still chose me?
Will it still be me till the end?
I want to corner her in a room and make sure it's still me till now. To hear words from her lips that she's sticking to her promise of waiting for me.
A part of me doubted already. Imagine her being this top star in every country that I sure being loved by many. How can she still chose me to someone who's there for her. Who's ready to face everything with her.
But I have to hold on. I have to when I can still see my necklace around her and that eyes she makes towards me whenever we're in one show. Lisa truly loves me, and I gotta trust that more than anything else.
I take a deep breath in sitting in an expensive restaurant for a family dinner. A cousin of mine is readying for marriage, the reason why my whole family has to do this dinner. Though we're only a small family considering this is only to my father's side.
It was settled not long enough. Sipping to my glass wine, my heart drop as to the sight of Lisa pulling a chair for a woman that I am not very familiar with. It's even table for two along the window side. Pretty romantic if I could say. I gritted my teeth for how she look so happy that the smile I long to see was shown.
And its not because of me.
"How about Joohyun?"
"I-I-I'm sorry what?" I shifted my eyes back to our table. With the pounding jealousy from my heart, I wearily smiled.
"Any plans for marriage soon?"
"Dad!" I hissed. I never really like when they're talking about this. Not when Lisa's just across the room unaware that I'm here witnessing what she's doing with whoever this human being she's with. "No plans for that."
