Grand Theft Autumn

I don't do too well on my own

After Patrick dropped me off at home also after assuring him I was right repeatedly, I went up to my room. I sat on my bed and just watched the powerless television blankly. What was wrong with me? The house seemed pretty quiet. I just felt alone. I thought about calling my mom, but I hadn't been working on ignoring my parents calls just to give in and start whining about wanting to go home. I then immediately thought of Patrick again, but I had just convinced him I was alright and calling him would make it seem like I wasn't. I was alright though, right? Of course I was. Why wouldn't I be? I only dated Pete for a day and for ninety percent of it he was in jail. Maybe he was right maybe I did deserve better. Pete would of just let me down all the time anyway.

I decided to turn on my TV to fill the silence or drown out my thoughts. Some rerun of Law and Order had just come on reminding me of home. I thought about my bed and my stuff and my house, would it all be the same when I got back? If I ever got back. I looked around at the small unfamiliar room that was not my own, it even smelled foreign. I closed my eyes. I was surrounded by people I didn't even know, caught up in a life that wasn't even mine. My home was a whole another state away. I thought back to where I use to live down the street, I began to remember a walkie talkie I kept in my closet to talk to Pete at night. I began to remember getting up and getting it in the middle of the night and telling Pete I was scared there was a monster in my room. He told me not to worry because he lived right down the street and he would beat up the monster and make it get back in its rocket ship and fly away. I remember sleeping with that walkie talkie.

Pete want that same curly haired little boy, or maybe he didn't realize he was that monster to me now.

I looked out my window to see it was already dark. Had I really been spacing out that long? I felt really tired but as I got under the blankets I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I broke down and began to cry. I waned to go home, I wanted Pete, I wanted to talk to someone, I didn't want today to happen. I tried to quiet my sobs thinking about how Pete was probably in his room right next to mine hearing this, I didn't care, I hope he heed me crying and I hope it hurt him.

I don't know how long I cried before I herd my door creak open.

"Are you okay?" I heard a soft voice say unusually concerned. Hillary was pajama clad and had her hair in a bun.

"Fine, thanks" I snifled thinking she was most likely going to make fun of me or something.

"I just herd you crying from my room and see if you were alright. Did Pete break up with you?" She asked as she stepped closer into my room and closed the door behind her.

"Do you want to know so you can hurt me some how?" I retorted hatefully.

"No" she sighed "look I know you don't trust me, but I can relate to you on this. I know what its like to be dumped. I've had my share of relation ship problems, okay?" She said.

"Sure you have" I said rolling my eyes.

"I'm not trying to play a joke on you or be man or anything. I just don't want you sitting up here crying all alone all night, because I know how it feels. If Pete dumped you he must not remember how much he liked you in the first place." She said.

"He basically said I was too good for him and that he would be a bad influence on me." I said deciding she was the only person who offered to be here right now and I didn't care if it would end up being something cruel.

"That may be the truth but isn't that for you to decide, not him? You don't have to do the things he does for him to like you, hell, he doesn't even need to do the things he does. It just seems to me like he'd rather lose you than straighten himself out. So I guess in that aspect, he's right, you are better than him." She said. "I think he will eventually figure it out and come around though."

"Thanks Hillary" I said "so who were you so hurt by?"

"Last year I was dumped by my first real boyfriend and it broke me pretty bad. But since then I've had my eye on someone else, he doesn't even notice me and never has."

"Well it shouldn't be so hard for a girl like you to get a guys attention." I said.

"He thinks I hate him." She laughed a little.

"I thought you hated me too until this." I said. "You should just try to be less....you to him" I said not wanting to offend her but I just made her laugh.

"I know I shouldn't be so mean to him, but its my cover, you know. I don't want people to think I'm just as soft and poetic as my brother"

"I can't say I blame you." I laughed.