too broken /yoonmin/

14

Jimin wasn't sure what he was feeling as he sat alone in his empty apartment that never felt so quiet.

He didn't know if he was depressed or just tired, maybe both.

But as he sat and stared at his black computer screen he realized that he never felt this lonely before.

After losing Soonyoung and after spending hours talking to Yoongi yesterday, coming back to the silence of his apartment made him feel sad.

He had to be strong for Soonyoung and now he had no one to be strong for, no one needed him anymore.

    "Shut up, Jimin." He says to himself as he pushes his laptop off his lap and stands, walking to his room.

He falls down on his bed and sighs watching the ceiling fan go around and around and around.

He doesn't know how long he stays there watching the ceiling fan but at one point his alarm goes off signaling that he had to get ready for work.

Curse life for still moving around him in his time of loneliness and sorrow.

—-/-//———////

"I feel like I'm being left behind."

The look on Seokjin's face makes Jimin feel like he's said something wrong.

"I mean...not left behind. It just feels like everything is moving on and I'm just...I'm here." He rephrases. "Y'know?"

"I understand."

It doesn't feel like he does, it doesn't feel like anyone understands.

Jimin wishes Seokjin could know everything he was feeling without him having to explain it, he wishes that he could see how afraid he was.

He was afraid that the voice in his head telling him to fuck everything up would eventually win and knock him back to square one.

He didn't want to go back, he couldn't do it a second time, he wasn't strong enough to handle that kind of pain.

"Talk to me, Jimin." Seokjin's voice says making the younger look up and realize the tears burning his eyes. "Tell me what you feel."

"I lost my best friend the other day." Jimin breathes out, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "H-He...I didn't know how much I needed him until now."

"I'm so sorry, Jimin." Seokjin says, but to Jimin's ears his voice is far from sympathetic.

That's not it though, losing Soonyoung was hard, seeing Yoongi was harder.

"There's someone from my life before that I've been in contact with." He says, wanting to get this off his chest now before it was too late.

"Oh?" Seokjin asks, his voice holding a heavy undertone of worry.

"Yoongi." Jimin says, looking down at his hands as if he's ashamed.

He was ashamed but for all the wrong reasons and of all the wrong things.

"When did this start?" The other asks leaning forward slightly, something he does unconsciously whenever Jimin worries him.

It's the only tale-tale sign of worry that Jimin has picked up on over the past few years.

"I don't know. He found me at work and we just run into each other sometimes." Jimin says, leaving out the part about him going to the apartment.

"I can't tell how you feel right now, Jimin." Seokjin admits. "You're worrying me."

"Is it normal t-to..." he trails off, trying to find the right words to say. "To want to go back, just to be with him?"