too broken /yoonmin/

18

The look in Hoseok's eyes makes Yoongi want to look away but he forces himself to keep eye contact.

    "I'm s~"

    "Don't." Hoseok says looking down, propping his elbow up on the table as he rests his chin in the cup of his palm. "Don't apologize to me."

    "I don't want to hurt you, Hobi." Yoongi says, his words making the younger laugh humorlessly.

    "You're doing a great job." He says keeping his gaze focused down.

Silence settles between them, tension hanging thick in the air.

    "I'm not mad." Hoseok says. "I can't be mad, I knew this was going to happen."

"I tried, Hoseok. I really did." Yoongi says, his voice low as he looks down.

"I get it." The younger says, bringing his hand up and wiping away his tears in annoyance. "You're breaking up with me to go back to your ex who you never truly lost feelings for though you told me continuously that you did. I get it, makes a lot of sense."

"I only denied it because I was trying to get over him and I thought I was until I saw him again." Yoongi tries to explain.

"So I was only here to help you get over him? That's all I was here for?" Hoseok asks, his tears taking the fire from behind his angry eyes.

"Of course not, Hoseok. I love you. I do. I just..." The older trails off as he tries to find the right words.

"You don't love me as much as you love him." Hoseok says breaking the silence.

Yoongi sighs. "I'm not leaving you for him, Hoseok. That's not what I'm doing."

    "Then what the hell are you doing?" The younger asks with so much emotion in his voice that Yoongi's heart aches.

    "I'm trying not to hurt you anymore than I already have. If I stay with you I know things are going to get worse and I don't want us to end like that." The older tries to explain. "It's better for both of us if our relationship ends now, Hobi."

    "Then leave, Yoongi. It's over. I got it. You can go." Hoseok says putting his face in his hands to hide the tears falling from his eyes.

    "Hoseok please~"

    "Just please go." The younger forces out through his tears, his voice strained.

Yoongi sighs as he stands from the table, swallowing his own tears as he usually does when he feels like crying.

    "I'm sorry I hurt you, Hoseok." He says. "I never wanted to."

    "...I know." Hoseok breathes out, his words almost lost in the silence.

Yoongi leaves without saying anything else, not knowing what else to say in this situation.

He never wanted to hurt Hoseok, he never wanted to break his heart but he knew staying would only break his heart more.

It was for both their own good.

All Yoongi could do is hope that Hoseok saw that soon.

——//———/////———/////————

    "I wasn't avoiding you."

Silence settles over the room after the lie slips so effortlessly from Jimin's lips.

    "I had to work and volunteer at the studio and I was really exhausted from that so I decided not to come~"

"What's going on, Jimin?" Jin asks, not buying Jimin's lies for even a second.

"Nothing." Jimin says, his gaze still casted down as he picks at his frayed jeans. "Nothing's going on."

"Should I believe you?" The older questions.

"No."

More silence.

But Jimin isn't complaining, he's grateful for every beat of silence that isn't interrupted by his own compulsive thoughts.

"Can you tell me what's bothering you?" Jin asks, crossing one leg over the other.

"I don't think so." Jimin says honestly. "I don't know what's been going on with me lately."

"How long have you been feeling like this?" The older asks as he writes down some notes on his clipboard. "Days or weeks?"

"Weeks." The younger answers. "I thought I was having a bad day, then I thought I was having a bad week, but the bad hasn't stopped yet."

"Do you have any idea what caused you to feel this way?" Seokjin asks, leaning forward as he continues to scribble things down on his clipboard.

He's worried.

    "I'm not sure." Jimin shrugs. "It's going to pass, I know it will, but it's just taking longer than usual."

"You mentioned a studio, is it a dance studio?" The older continues to question, looking up from his notes with a look of practiced concern.

Jimin curses at himself mentally for letting that slip. "Oh, yes. It is."

"How long have you been dancing there?" Seokjin asks, uncrossing his legs.

He's fidgety, he must really be worried. Jimin thinks to himself. "Not long I guess. Soonyoung and I used to go there all the time before we started volunteering."

"Straight out of hospital?" The young doctor asks.

Caught. "Yes, but we just messed around mostly. Nothing serious." Jimin shrugs. "It was just for fun."

Seokjin nods, leaning forward as he writes again. "And when was the last time you were examined by Namjoon?"

    "Oh, well usually I go once a month but I missed this months appointment." The younger says. "I'll reschedule when I get around to it."

    "I need you to get around to it by the end of the week, okay?" The older asks, looking up with a kind smile. "We just want to make sure everything is going good."

We just want to make sure you aren't starving yourself, he means. "Yeah, of course."

    "Is there anything else you want to discuss, Jimin?" Seokjin asks, sitting back and crossing his legs.

Still fidgety. "No, I actually have to work so is okay if we wrap up here?"

    "Of course. Do you need me to call Namjoon for you~"

    "No. I got it. Thank you though." Jimin says as he stands. "I'll call to schedule our next meeting too."

    "Try to aim for next week for me, okay?" Seokjin asks standing up as well.

    "Of course." Jimin nods. "See you next week then."

Jimin leaves the meeting feeling more weighed down than he did when he first arrived.

He actually did have to work today which meant he'd also see Yoongi when he got through at the studio.

He had so many mixed emotions concerning Yoongi, he was so afraid of hurting him again.

Those last few months they were together were some of the darkest times and Jimin feared ever feeling or thinking like that again.

He feared making Yoongi feel like that again.

Sometimes he thinks back to the time where he couldn't even imagine living without Yoongi and it makes him wonder how he ended up here.

How did he end up living a life where he didn't want to live with Yoongi.

Yoongi was literally a few words away from being his again and he was running away just like he always runs away.

Yoongi was just as in love with him and he was running away.

Again.

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