God Or Love (Monsignor Timothy Howard x reader)

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The next morning, I woke up and the nurse came into my room, presenting me breakfast. Simling at her, I sat up and pulled the tray closer to me. The nurse turned on the television for me and left, reminding me,

"Make sure you eat. You'll get better faster that way." Rolling my eyes, I nodded and she left, leaving me in the room alone. Looking at the time, I took note that it was 10:30 and my doctor should be coming to check on me soon. Sighing, I finished my breakfast and waited for him to come in. Watching the television, I distracted myself from the thoughts running through my head and tried not to overthink what Timothy wanted to talk about later. 

Knock, Knock

"Sister (Y/N)?"

"I'm awake, Doctor." 

The tall, blue-eyed man came into the room, blonde hair neated brushed to one side and his white coat hugged his torso nicely. Had this been another life, I could find myself attracted to him, as he was so obviously attracted to me. Picking up my chart, he started asking the same questions as the days before,

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"About the same."

"No new pain?"

"No."

"No discomfort of any kind?"

"No."

"You ate all of your breakfast, I see. That's good." 

"Yes. Have you heard anything from Briarcliff?"

"Actually, they called back this morning. Sister Jude is on her way here now. Should be here by this afternoon." The thought of Sister Jude coming here made me shudder and it didn't go unnoticed. 

"Is there a problem?"

"No, Doctor. Sister Jude is just intimidating." 

"Ha. Well, I'll take this and let you rest. Don't be afraid to call if you need anything else, Sister." His eyes locked with mine and he winked at me, making my face heat up. Looking away from him, he left and I shuddered, trying to get my mind away from him. 

A few hours later, a knock came on my door and the nurse came in with Timothy, making me sit up quickly.

"Careful, Sister. You'll hurt yourself." The nurse fussed, helping Timothy to sit in the chair next to my bed and to help me sit up safely. Leaving us alone, she informed Timothy she would be back in about an hour to take him back to his room. 

Looking over his face, I took note of how well it had healed since I had last seen him and he chuckeld, teasing,

"Just gonna stare, (Y/N)?"

"I'm glad you're okay, Monsignor."

"How many times must I tell you to call me Timothy?" 

"A lot."

We laughed and he slipped his hand into mine, starting,

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, (Y/N)."

"Don't start with that, Timothy."

"(Y/N), I should've listened to you. We should have kept going. You suffered the most for it."

"You had to kill to get us out. That's worse than anything-"

"God will forgive me for that. I was trying to protect you. He may not fogive me for putting you in danger."

Sueezing his hand, I quieted him and he looked at me, waiting for me to protest. Sighing, I looked at him and said,

"It wasn't your fault, Timothy."

"But-"

"But nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. Okay?"

"Okay. . . We have to talk about us."

"Us?"

"I know you feel our connection too. It could be nothing, but we still need to discuss it."

"Okay."

"We're both of the cloth and our vows bind us to God first. So, we need to decide what to do wit-"

The sound of my door opening made him pull his hand away from mine and stop what he was saying. Sister Jude came into my room and she sighed, greeting us,

"Hello, Sister (Y/N). Monsignor." 

"Good evening, Sister Jude." Timothy replied, the irritation filling his voice and I stifled a laugh, greeting her,

"Good evening, Sister." She glared at me and I coughed, looking away from her. When her eyes landed on Timothy, they softened greatly and she asked,

"How are you feeling, Monsignor?"

"I'm okay. Sister (Y/N) is a lot worse than I am. How's Briarcliff?" 

"Oh. Briarcliff is fine. Doctor Arden is in charge, right now."

"You two are playing nice, again?" Timothy teased, glancing at me and taking note of how uncomfortable I looked, his attention shifted back to me. Jude noticed this and looked at me as well, asking harshly,

"What is the problem, Sister?" 

"Sister Jude, leave us alone for a moment. Tell the nurse I'm ready to go back to my room and we can talk there." 

"But-"

"Sister Jude."

". . . " 

"Go."

"Yes, Monsignor."

When the door closed behind her, I sighed and Timothy grabbed my hand, starting,

"I'm sorry. I forget how she can be. We can finish this conversation later. Get some rest. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Promise?" I asked, squeezing his hand and looking up at him with hopeful eyes. 

"Heh. I promise, (Y/N)."

Nodding, I let go of his hand and the nurse came in, bringing him back into his room. When I was left alone, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, thinking,

'God, give me strength.'