You're ok - Todobaku

8

TW Panic attacks, Depressive thoughts, Mentions of bulimia

Todorokis POV

It was 1:25 p.m. on Thursday and I was sitting in my dorm. We wouldn't go back to school until Monday and I wanted to see Bakugo. I wanted to ask how he was doing but police were still talking to him today but he told me he would come to my dorm when he came back so I waited for him. 

I thought about how Bakugo acted yesterday when I saw him. He almost seemed sad that I was there. It might have been the fact that he had been kidnapped, he was probably just stressed. Right? Maybe he actually hates me. I wouldn't be surprised, I'm such a horrible excuse for a human. I begin to overthink and before I knew it, all these horrible words were bouncing around in my head and I begin to cry. I roll over in the bed onto my stomach, letting my pillow soak up the tears.

What ever made you think he loves you back?  How could anyone, especially him, love someone as ugly as you. I  roll to my side and reach over, grabbing another pillow and pulling it close. I sob into the pillow, hyperventilating and shaking. I hear knocking at the door but I don't go open it. I know its Bakugo. I don't want him to see me like this. I know hes seen me have a panic attack before but it feels different now. I know the door is unlocked, he can open it himself once he realizes I'm not coming. I hear the knocking get a bit louder and glance over, seeing the doorknob turn.

I curl into a ball and hear the door open. I clutch the pillow, scared of what he might think, but soon feel warm hands over mine. He pulls the pillow from my grip and lays on his side too, hugging me. My thoughts are still going a mile a minute. "Can you look at me?" I hear him ask. I shake my head rapidly. I can't, not yet. He doesn't force me to look up at him and instead pulls me closer. My tears continue to flow, getting his shirt wet.

After another minute or two, I decide to look up at him. "Are you feeling better, Shoto?" I froze. Shoto. My first name. It seems like years since someone has referred to me as that, at least someone who loves me. I think the last person who called my that was my mom. I don't consider my dad a good person and I cant even tell if he actually loves me so I don't count him. I blush and bury my head in his chest once more. He began to pet my hair "I'm going to say that's a yes." I could basically hear the smile in his voice.

I have my arms wrapped around his waist, and I move them a bit and spell words on his back. I  L O V E  Y O U. He moved his hand from my head to my back. I  L O V E  Y O U  T O O. I smiled at his response. I'm glad that he even knew what I said because I know most people wouldn't be able to decipher what was written.

I pulled back from the hug a bit and looked up at him again. He smiled and brushed some of my hair away from my eyes. I gave a small smile in return. God I love him. "Can I call you Katsuki since you called me Shoto?" I asked. He blushed a little and gave a small nod. My smile got bigger. I'm surprised he trusts me enough to let me call him that but I'm not complaining.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?" he asked. I lost my smile and looked down. I knew he would want to know but I don't know if I ever want to tell him the reason. "I just was over thinking things." was my response. He nodded and sat up "Do you want to go anywhere? Maybe get your mind off things?"

I nod and sit up as well, rubbing my eyes. "When was the last time you ate?" he asked. "Last night." I responded, putting my head down. It had almost been a full day since I ate. He sighed "I'm going to make food and you can change into something else if you want to." I nod and grab a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I walk into the bathroom to change and also clean myself up a bit.

I go to check my weight before anything else. 111.4. I lost 3 pounds in about a week. I'm so disappointed in myself. I sigh and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a skeleton. My hands are bony, my collarbones stick out, and my arms and legs are basically sticks. I look sick. I lean on the counter and try not to cry again. Iv'e gotten so bad. I look like shit. I hear a small knock on the door. I don't answer and he opens the door.

I look up at him with teary eyes. "How can you love someone as ugly as me?" I ask him, my voice shaking. He comes up to me and pulls me close to him. "You're not ugly. You're one of the most beautiful people Iv'e ever seen." I hold onto him, grabbing his shirt in my fists and let the tears fall. "I need you to believe me, I need you to know that your beautiful and worthy of everything." I'm not.

"I'm here to help you. I'm here, watching you try to get better. I'm here." He says, rubbing my back. I know. He rubs my back and holds me close. I go and write more words on his back. I M  T R Y I N G. "I know you are." he whispers. I focus on his warm embrace and slowly calm down. I look up at him. "I love you." he says, wiping some tears that still lay on my face.

"I-I love you too." He gives a small smile and pulls away from the hug. "I'm just going to be on the bed, you go get changed and call if you want me." I nod and he heads out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I get changed and splash some water on my face. My face is still a bit red but I can't really do much about that.

I head out and sit next to Katsuki on the bed. He puts his phone (that he was just playing on) to the side and kisses me on the cheek. I blush and lean into him. He gives a small laugh and gets up, coming back with two plates, each holding a sandwich and some chips. I know I have to eat it because it would be suspicious if I went to throw it up given that I had just been in the bathroom. 

I eat some of the chips and half of the sandwich before putting it it the side. I don't feel too much discomfort, so I probably won't throw it up. I watch as Katsuki finishes his sandwich and then get up to go wherever we're going. He won't tell me where were going but he says it's nearby. We leave the dorms hand in hand and walk down the sidewalk. I never really allowed myself to explore the area around the school so I have no idea whats down here.

After maybe 10 minutes of us walking and talking a bit, we turn and I see a big pond with fence surrounding it. "There's a small park around here and there's a duck pond so I thought you would like it." he says while looking down and blushing. He's so fucking cute I swear to god. I smile "Yeah. It's nice." We walk over, leaning over the fence a bit to look at the ducks and fish swimming past. I get too caught up in looking at the ducks that I never noticed that Katsuki let go of my hand and got some duck feed that was in small machines around the perimeter of the lake.

He tossed some of the feed in the lake, letting the ducks eat it. He handed some to me and I tossed it in, watching as the ducks dipped underwater to grab it. We walked around the lake, feeding the ducks and having a good time. Time flew by and it felt like only a few minutes had passed but in reality, it had been an hour and we had walked around the lake about 8 times. We go back to the dorms at 4:17.

It was too early to go to sleep and we didn't really feel like going anywhere else so we just decided to do whatever for about 5 hours. We had nothing important to do so we just played on our phones. We didn't talk much, the only things that really happened was me showing him shitty memes every so often. After a few hours of that Katsuki went to make up dinner. For dinner we decided to see what food was in the common room since we didn't have much in the room at the moment.

He went down and checked the kitchen, coming back after a few minutes, saying that there wasn't much food. Apparently, there was basically no food to the point that if we wanted anything, it would have to be cereal. "Well what the hell will we have to eat?" I ask. "I don't know, we could order pizza or something." I shrugged "Sure I guess." He calls a local place, ordering a pizza for us. It comes after about twenty minutes and we begin to eat. I only have 2 small slices because I don't want to throw it up, that's the opposite of what I want.

I keep it down and we put the last of the pizza away and continue to look at stupid memes. A few more hours went by and it was about 9:30 now. Katsuki put his phone away and told me that we should go to bed. I agree and put my phone away. I cuddle up to him, burying my head in his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist. I begin to drift off but before I do, the last thing I feel is words being spelled out on my back. I  L O V E  Y O U.

1769 words

Hello and welcome to the authors not that probably no one reads. I wanted to kinda make a fluffy chapter but it also ended really angsty so oof. This chapter was heavily based off my friend (you know who you are). The ending of this chapter was kinda shit because I was rushing a bit and I didn't know how to end it. This chapter is a lot shorter than usual but whatever. I think that's it so happy early Thanksgiving and goodbye!