You're ok - Todobaku

24

TW Mentions of self-harm, Eating disorders, Body dysmorphia, Depressive thoughts, Mentions of abuse/trauma

Todorokis POV
(I forgot to mention it but last chapter it was Friday so now it's Saturday)

I was woken when the blinds on my window were suddenly opened, causing the suns' bright ass light to come in and say 'wake up, bitch'. I groaned and coved my eyes, going back under the covers a bit, wanting to go back to sleep. The covers are pulled off me a bit and my wrists are grabbed and pulled away from my face. I quickly grab my hands back and stuff them back under the covers, hoping my sleeves were still rolled down to not reveal my cuts.

I open my eyes slowly and, like expected, saw Katsu standing above me. I slowly get up, checking my sleeves that were luckily still rolled down (idk if you already picked up on this, but Todos pajamas consist of long-sleeved shirts/hoodies with whatever shorts/pants because his boxers would mostly cover the cuts on his thighs). I don't know if I'll ever be ok with my scars, especially the one permanently placed on my face, but they fade with time. Maybe in the future, I can get over it at least a little bit.

Right now, my cuts are mostly just red lines with some of them scarring over now. I'm sure it's worse on my thighs because I did it there a lot more than on my wrists, which I only did once out of panic and delusion. I sit up in the bed and look up at Katsuki who is now walking around the room, picking up a few items that were scattered around the room, mostly clothes that were thrown in a laundry basket by the door.

"Do you wanna go out somewhere today?" he asks me. I have to think about it for a second. Yes, I would love to have an outing with just him, but I'm not sure if I can face some of my insecurities. I guess it'll be good for me to go out, or at least out at a reasonable time and not at 4 AM. I decide to agree. I get up and before getting some clothes, check the time. A little past 10:30. I grab a gray hoodie along with some sweatpants, a simple yet comfortable outfit.

Katsuki gets on his own outfit, similar to mine, and we head out of the dorms. We walk hand-in-hand down the sidewalk. I have no idea where we're going or even if we have a destination but soon we stop outside a small cafe in town. We head in and they have stuff like pastries and small sandwiches along with coffee and tea as the main drinks.  Katsuki sends me to choose a table while he orders us something so I choose one to sit out and tap my fingers on the table, an anxious habit. 

Katsuki is back after a few minutes, saying that the food will come in a minute and that he ordered something fairly simple out of the small selection. Someone comes over after a minute or two with what was ordered and I see what was chosen for me. Katsu ordered me a ham sandwich, like the kinda shitty ones you can get for school lunches, and some type of donut thing that still had the center but it was filled with jelly (I have no idea what it's called all I know is that I had one once and the jelly was gross but the actual bread was good. Also idk the kinda stuff you get at cafes because I'm dumb so bare with me).

I know I have to eat it, especially since I barely ate anything yesterday but I still have the voices. They tell me to not eat because I'll get fat. I have to refrain from pushing the food away and running out of the building. I slowly pick up the sandwich and begin eating it slowly. I know I won't be able to throw it up afterward so I just have to accept my fate and eat it. I'm soon finished with the food and I can't help that I begin pinching at my skin.

I can already feel the calories making we gain all this weight and I bet that everyone in the room sees me as a fat piece of shit. I feel my breathing pick up some as I think of all the things people could think of me as. Fatass. I clench my teeth, bringing my hands off the table and pulling at the hem of the hoodie, thinking that everyone can see my horrible body. Katsuki hasn't noticed my discomfort yet so I kick his foot under the table and look up at him, with panic probably being clear in my eyes.

He sees the distress that I'm in and he gets up, coming over to my side of the table and grabbing my hand. "Hey, hey it's ok." he whispers, trying to be kind discrete since we're out in public. I try and keep my breathing steady, squeezing Katsuki's hand to distract from my thoughts. After a little bit, I'm more calmed down and I let go of his hand, indicating that I'm ok. He still stays on my side of the table with a hand wrapped securely around my waist.

After a little while longer when it's confirmed that I'm ok, Katsu gets up, bringing me with him and we leave. We do the same as before, walking hand-in-hand down the street but instead of going more into the town, we just go back to the dorms. I'm glad that I didn't have to say anything for him to know that I didn't really want to go anywhere else. My anxiety was fairly high from being out in public and I still had to refrain from pulling the hem of my hoodie like always.

We're soon back at the dorms and I sit on the edge of the bed, staring down at my lap. Katsuki comes and sits next to me, pulling me closer to him by wrapping an arm around my waist. I look over at him with a frown. I know that It's going to be a long and hard process of trying to get better but I know I have to at least try. I want to become a hero, maybe not one like my father, but I want to live for one main reason. Katsuki.

I want to live for him. I don't want to leave him too early. I want to become pro heroes with him, I want to move in with him in a house of our own, I want him. I'll still have trauma and anxiety because of my past, but with time that stuff heals and I should accept the help I'm getting right now. The support from him, the therapy, the people who know a bit about my condition and are there to help.

The realization of this hits me and it's the wake-up call I've needed for months. My frown changes to a small smile as I continue to look at one of the first people who genuinely loved me. I lean into him and end up sitting in his lap as we share a kiss that's filled with love. We pull away from the short kiss and give each other a smile. "You wanna know something?" "Sure." I respond with slight confusion in my voice. "I love you."

1253 words

Happy birthday, Todoroki! I decided not to do a  birthday special for him but instead, you get a really short but semi-fluffy chapter where Todo realizes that he actually deserves the help he's getting and actually kinda wants to get better. It's kinda the absolute opposite of the mindset he had before but not that genuinely happy personality will come from the shadows and will develop over time. I think that the book will be ending soon, so maybe two or three chapters are left. It's kinda sad that it's going to end soon because ever since  Halloween 2019 when I posted the first chapter,  it's been a really fun journey. I loved writing this and even though I probably won't end up making a sequel, this story will live in infamy as my first ever fanfiction. I know that probably less than a month after this ends I'll probably come out with a new book that probably will have little to no connection with this story but I know I'll have a new one out soon. That's probably it, sorry for the long A/N, thanks for all the support on this story, bye.