You're ok - Todobaku

17

TW Deppresive thoughts, Mentions of suicide, Self-harm, Mentions of drug use

Todorokis POV
Time Skip - A day or two (idk)

I walk down the cold, barren street, seeing no one in my path and hearing nothing but the own footsteps. It's about 4 AM and I felt like taking a walk. Kiku or the others didn't tell me to meet them tonight, but I came out anyways to let out some emotions. I'm going to have my first therapy appointment after school so my anxiety is high. I don't want to talk about my feelings but if I lie as often as I can, I think I can get away with it.

I walk down the streets. No one is around. I pick at my knuckles that are scarred over from my teeth hitting them when I throw up my food. I've been doing it about twice a day now and I've lost a few pounds but I'm still not happy. I pay attention to the small sounds of my footsteps, animals digging around in the alleys, and some distant cars on a nearby highway, trying to distract myself from my anxiety and mild paranoia.

My thighs sting because of some recent cuts created there and I itch to make more but I can't do it out here in the open. I sit on a bench outside a park and just keep my head down. I know I won't be safe if I'm not aware of my surrounding but I don't care if I die because then I won't be a burden for everyone around me. I trace the cuts on my legs through my pants, remembering each one. Sometimes I wish I could just let them bleed out but I don't want Katsuki to find me like that.

I reach up to my neck and pull at the necklace chain. The ring at the end of the chain comes up from under my shirt. I stare at the ring and toy with it a bit. I read the words engraved on it over and over. Why does he love me? A drop of water falls on my hand and I realize I've started crying. I quickly stuff the necklace back in my shirt and begin wiping the tears. I feel my phone start to vibrate in my pocket.

I try and compose myself and I take it out, quickly answering it, knowing who it is. It's our usual 5 AM call telling me to get back but this time with me trying to keep my voice steady. I wipe the last of my tears and begin to head back to the dorms. Usual routine, get back, see angry Katsuki, he quickly grabs his bag from my room and leaves. I sigh and quickly take my shower. I'm now sat on the counter in only my boxers, staring at the small blade in my hand.

Why do I do this? I unwrap my old bandages, seeing the cuts littered there. I've been slowly making cuts around the top half of my thigh so if I ever need to change in front of anyone, they won't see anything. I turn around and look at myself in the mirror. I look so dead. I have deep bags under my eyes from not sleeping properly the past month or so. I turn back and place the blade near my thigh.

I make a quick slash and barely even wince, I've mostly gotten used to the pain. It's like being at home, constant pain, constant sadness. I make more cuts until I feel I've done enough and start cleaning up. I sling the strap of my backpack over my shoulder and lazily go downstairs for the dreaded breakfast. Katsu sits there like normal with another bowl sat next to him for me. I slowly eat it and soon finish. We get up to go to class and like always, I throw up the breakfast on the way.

Time Skip - Therapy (oof)

I bounce my leg and fidget with my hands as my anxiety slowly continues to gorw. I'm currently sat in a small waiting room at the therapists office and I don't exactly want to be here. Katsuki has a hold on my hand, trying to calm me down but it obviously doesn't work. I hear a door open down the hall and my head shoots up. I see a man with gray hair looking at me. "Todoroki? Todoroki Shoto?" he asks me. I nod and grip to Katsus hand tighter.

"I'm Mr. G. You can come to my office if you want, you can bring your friend too if you want." I nod and continue to hold Katsus' hand as we walk down the hall a bit, soon coming to his office. The room has 2 chairs and a couch to sit at and we sit on the couch while he sits at one of the chairs. The room has a few paintings and pictures hung on the wall, along with a small table that has a variety of different fidget toys on it.