You're ok - Todobaku

22

TW Eating disorders, Suicidal thoughts, Mentions of self-harm, Mentions of drug use

Todorokis POV

I was woken up when I heard a loud rattling sound coming from down the hallway.  I groan and sit up, looking out my open door, seeing a nurse with a gray cart, handing medicine to other patients. I guess this is everyone's alarm because I look at the time and see that it's a little after 8, the time we were told to get up. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and get up, walking over and leaning in the doorway. I see other kids coming out of their rooms and heading to the dining room for breakfast so I follow them.

I'm really fucking tired even after sleeping like 8 hours. I'm also used to pulling all-nighters a few times a week to smoke with my friends or just let out some emotions so I guess that's one reason why I'm so fucking tired. I honestly really want to get high right now. I want the calm and comfort that comes with it. I want to escape the guilt and sadness that comes with the fact that I'm in a god damn psych ward right now.

I feel guilty because I'm making everyone worry, and I feel sad because I'm just sad in general because of depression so there's not really a main reason I guess. I wish I could just be normal. I don't want to be in a psych ward, I don't want to deal with an eating disorder, I don't want to have to deal with the constant depression and anxiety. I don't want to live. I feel like suicide might be my only option out of this shitty life. It's not like I can do much here.

There's nothing here I can use to kill myself. I can't cut, I can't go ape shit and jump off the roof, I can't do anything. I'm just stuck here until I get out. Katsuki said he would come to visit me but will he really? Even if he did come, he probably wouldn't be able to see me. I walk down the hall to the dining room with a frown on my face. I remember now how much I hate eating and now, I just want to lock myself in my room and die. I don't even want to talk with my new friends.

I'm soon in the dining hall and I reluctantly grab some of the food that they have set out for breakfast. I get some cereal and a piece of toast. I sit down at the table and look at my food with a frown. I stare at the bowl of sugary cereal and I almost want to puke at the site. I hate that I have to eat it but I'm soon taking slow bites. Hinata and Dani try to make an effort to talk to me but they soon get the gist that I don't really want to talk right now so they mostly just talk to each other, occasionally trying to add me to the conversation but failing.

I'm soon finished and I don't have anything much to do, I stare at the clock and bounce my leg under the table. Almost immediately, a nurse is on me about shaking my leg so I have to stop. I frown, now just staring down at my lap and fidgeting with my hands, hoping the time will go by faster. Once everyone is finished eating, we're all excused to either do puzzles or cry in our room (because those are basically the only things you can do here in your free time).

I want to go cry in my room but I decide to make an effort to interact so I end up sitting in a circle next to Hinata and some other kid, doing a puzzle. It's really boring and the room only seems to only have like 5 puzzles and it seems that most kids have already memorized where most of the pieces go so we do the puzzles fairly quick. With nothing much else to do we just end up doing all of the puzzles and then one kid speaks up. "This whole thing is shit. There's nothing fun to do here!" she groans.

Then she starts complaining about the nurses some. She complains about no matter what they do, the nurses won't get them new puzzles or any board games. Most people agree that everything here is shit but since there's not much we can do, we all just end up being mildly aggravated teenagers who ended up just sitting and watching whatever movie was playing and not doing much.

Time Skip - Idk it's after dinner/homework time now

Some people, along with me, were pulled to a big room after we were done with our homework. After everyone got there a new person, that I've never seen before, came in and sat down at the last open chair and said a little bit about what's happening (well not really but it told me who he was). "Ok guys, welcome bach to group therapy." He luckily didn't point me out as a new person but I knew that everyone else knew that I was new. Most people talked about how they were feeling, stuff with their eating disorders and depression.