You're ok - Todobaku

19

TW Depressive thoughts, Self-harm, Panic attack, Bulimia, Body dysmorphia

Todorokis POV

I wake up, cuddled close to a warm body. I push myself away and look up at Katsuki. He looks so cute and innocent when he sleeps holy fuck. I remove his hands from around me and sit up. I rub the sleep from my eyes and check my phone for the time. 1:12 AM. I yawn and put my phone back, laying back down. I'm still tired but knowing me, I probably won't be able to go back to sleep. I stare up at the ceiling like it's the most interesting thing ever and just think.

I end up thinking about how shit yesterday was. I know I slept half the day because once I got back to the dorms after my breakdown, I almost immediately passed out because of exhaustion. So I've been asleep for at least 14 hours by now. That's the most amount of sleep I've gotten in a while. I wonder what my classmates think of me now. They know now that I'm depressed and they probably suspected something when I rushed out of the classroom so quickly.

They probably hate you now. They think you're just a weak idiot. I bite my lip as I hear more similar thoughts rush through my head. Why do you even try? They didn't care about you to begin with. They all pity you. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I try to hold them back, but the voices... they hurt. All these hateful thoughts seem to come out of my head, beginning to bounce off the walls. I cover my ears but the voices are still there.

I need to leave. I can't stand the voices. I tear the blanket off me and run into the bathroom. I quickly lock the door and I soon realize how bad of an idea this was. The smaller place makes me more claustrophobic and the voices only seem to get louder. I don't see any other option. The voices won't go away. I attempt to look through my blurry vision and I reach for something under the cupboard.

I grab a razor and quickly roll up my sleeve, pressing it to my wrist and making a fairly deep cut. I loudly sob and continue to blindly make cuts up and down both wrists. I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear a loud and fast knock at the door. "Shoto? Are you ok?" I hear Katsuki say with slight panic in his voice. I gasp and drop the blade. Shit. "Y-yeah I'm good!" I yell back in response with my shaky voice. I need to clean up. He can't suspect anything.

I quickly wash off my arms and the blade, wrapping tight bandages around the cuts on my skinny arms. I roll down my sleeves and wipe the last few tears before slowly opening the door and I'm immediately pulled into a hug. I winced because of the new cuts but try to ignore the pain. "Are you ok?" he asks, pulling back and cupping my face in his hands. I nod and remove his hands from my face.

He looks at me with a small frown. I try and reassure him with a small, yet fake, smile. He gives a small one back even though it's a bit strained. He's probably just worried, it's fine. I push past him a bit, coming out from the bathroom and flopping down onto the bed. It's still not even 2 AM yet. Katsuki lays down next to me and I turn to my side. From behind me, I feel as he wraps his arms around my waist. I somehow manage to fall asleep even with immense pain coming from both my wrists and thighs.

Time Skip- Morning

I wake up to Katsuki shaking my shoulder so I can get up. He doesn't say anything as I get up and just as fast as I saw him, he was out the door going back to his room. I frown as I stare at the door. Does he hate me? Why does he always leave so quickly? I try and shake off the thoughts by going to take my shower and that was kinda a mistake. The water seeped into my now unbandaged cuts and it hurt like hell. Why did I have to do it on my arms? Everyone will see.

I try and ignore my body in the mirror as I re-wrap all my cuts. Luckily the cuts weren't bleeding much and a majority of the ones on my thighs were scabbed over now. I finish wrapping it and look at myself in the mirror. I look sick. I have really deep eye bags and my bones stick out so much. With all my bones sticking out along with the bandages wrapped on my arms and legs, I look like I'm dying. Which I am.