You're ok - Todobaku

15

TW Drug use, Body dysmorphia, Self-harm, Depressive thoughts, Panic attack

Todorokis POV
Time Skip - A few days later

I put my phone in my pocket and grab my hoodie on my way over to the door. I go out and quietly close the door behind me, walking down the stairs and out the door. Kiku told me that I can come to the alley that we normally meet at just to hang out like we usually do. I walk down the sidewalk and I'm there in a few minutes. Only Kiku and Kaede are sat there and I give them a small greeting and sit with them.

Soon Ryou rounds the corner and enters the alley with Osamu trailing behind him. "Hey, guys!" Kiku exclaims once they sit down. They both mumble a small 'Hey' and Ryou grabs a baggie of weed from his pocket and rolls up a blunt. He lights it and takes a hit and passes it to Osamu who takes his own hit and it continues to be passed around the circle. We sat talking and laughing for a few hours and before I know it, only me and Kiku are left to finish the last blunt.

We finish it up and she asks if I wanna walk home with her. I don't wank with her often but I almost always say yes since she doesn't live too far and Katsuki usually hasn't woken up by then. I nod and we get up, walking to her house. The walk is mostly kept in a comfortable silence as we walk down the sidewalk, seeing people occasionally pass us. Luckily, no one does anything to us and I wave to her as she walks up the driveway, disappearing into the house.

I walk back down the street, but not in the direction of the dorms, I start heading to a 24-hour drug store. I've been here multiple times, usually just to grab some water but this time I have something else in mind. The voices in my head have been getting louder and almost make me have panic attacks during class, or just anytime. I keep on throwing up my food, and my body dysmorphia is getting really bad. I walk into the store and buy something I never thought I would buy again. Razors.

I scan the aisles and quickly find a package of about 10 razors that I bring to the counter to buy. I quickly pay and start heading back to the dorms, maybe I can get there before Katsuki wakes up. Well, I was wrong because halfway there I get the familiar call telling me to get my ass back there. I get back to the dorms and see the all-too-familiar face of an angry Katsuki. I honestly don't know why he cares anymore, I always come back safe.

I hide the package of razors in my pocket as we go to our separate dorms to shower and get our shit. I place the package on my counter and just stare at it for a minute. It's enticing and I want to do it but I hop into the shower without it. Once I get out the feeling is more intense. I try and ignore it, going to change into my uniform. I only manage to get my boxers on before all of the voices in my head are screaming for me to do it. I hesitantly take one from the package and stare at it. Do it. I take a quick glance at the door before placing the razor near my thigh. He won't have to see it.

I make a quick slash across my thigh. I wince a bit before I see the blood coming out the semi-deep cut. I smile slightly and make another. And another. And another. I soon take my hands away from my bloodied thighs and look at my creation. There are about 10 cuts on each thigh and they bleed freely, letting the warm liquid run down my legs. I soon let out a sigh and begin trying to clean my mess. I wash off my legs the best I can and wrap the cuts with bandages. I quickly finish up and grab my shit for the day as to not raise suspicion about what I was doing since I'm going out later than usual.

I go downstairs and sit next to Katsuki. "Why are you late?" he questions, not looking up from his food. "I took a long shower." I lie, picking at my food a bit, not wanting to eat it. "Are you sure? Are you ok?" he questions, looking over at me. "Yeah, I'm fine." I lie again, starting to slowly eat the food. He probably knows that I'm lying but doesn't say anything, instead just going back to eating his own food. We finish in silence and like always, I go to the bathroom before class and throw up the food.