Safe

-29- A Hug

Holt Jacobs

Birdie's been pacing the waiting room floor, picking at the threads of the hoodie she's wearing. Coach Mo hasn't been out in a while to give us an update.

I glance at Mrs. Lincoln who's flipping through a magazine. When Birdie finally got her dad's message Ty offered to give her a ride and Ty was my ride so I went with them. I had called Mrs. Lincoln on the way so she could come get me but when I went to leave Birdie asked me if I could stay. Mrs. Lincoln agreed before I even tried to ask.

"I got you some chips and a pop." Ty announces as he pushes through the door.

Birdie mumbles a weak thank you but doesn't move to take it from him. He lets out a sigh and drops in the seat beside me.

"Want some?" He asks, tipping an open bag toward me.

"No thank you." I tell him quietly.

He looks at me like I'm crazy before he jams his hand in the bag and says "suit yourself".

He chews loud beside me, crumbs falling as he crams more chips in his mouth.

I track Birdie as she wears a path in the carpet. Mrs. Lincoln was able to get her to sit for a while, talking with her to keep her mind on something else. But as more time passes, the more anxious Birdie gets. I can feel it crawling it's way through my body too.

All of our attention shifts to the door as the latch clicks and Coach Mo pushes through it.

Birdie rushes to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He catches her and I can't help but wonder what that feels like. To be able to be close to someone. To seek comfort from someone like that. Birdie's step mom and her sister come through a moment later and they become a small huddle of bodies, talking quietly, stifled cries.

"Ruby's still okay." Coach Mo finally says as they all pull part. "They're going to keep her for a while longer, make sure it stays that way."

"What about Barry?" Birdie asks.

Ty shoves himself off the chair, going to stand beside her. Everything shifts in the air, the way Coach Mo deflates slightly, Ava grabbing Erin's hand. Mrs. Lincoln watching me.

Coach Mo shakes his head no and it's like all the air gets instantly sucked from the room and my heart breaks in my chest as Birdie lets out this tortured cry. Her knees start to crumble and I watch Ty catch her, pulling her close to him. She clings to him, sobbing and I suck in a breath.

                                ————————

"Knock, knock." Mrs. Lincoln appears in the doorway and I close the book I've been staring at and sit up. "Just wanted to check on you. It was quite the day. Are you okay?"

"Yes ma'am." It's automatic.

She smiles softly, leaning against the doorframe.

"You sure?"

I open my mouth to repeat myself, to listen to his rules but the words catch in my throat and I drop my eyes to the floor.

"Holt?"

Dr. Aldrich asked me how I felt the other day. After I calmed down from the episode I had in her office. I didn't know what she meant then. But I think I do now. Seeing Birdie with her family, with Ty.

"I-I'm mad." I whisper.

"Why are you mad honey?"

Shaking my head, tears swell to my eyes and my voice catches in my throat but I force the words out anyway.