Safe

-48- Mario Kart

Holt Lincoln

"Dude, I love him." Drew says, scratching Blue behind the ear.

I watch as the dog leans into it, eyes closed, tail wagging, his tongue flopped out of the side of his mouth.

A smile tugs the corner of my mouth up. I like him too.

"Alright Blue I gotta kick your boys ass in Mario Kart. Give me a few." Drew tells him.

I look over at Drew as he starts cycling through characters, ever since he got here he's been off slightly. Like his moments of excitement and larger than life persona are more forced than normal. And as we settle down onto my bed to start another Grand Prix I can feel a shift in the atmosphere around us. It makes me uneasy.

Blue snuggles up beside me, his head finding my lap and I wonder if this is how it is with everyone when they get a dog. Are they always this attached, so quickly. I'm not complaining, I can feel myself getting attached too. He puts my nerves at ease when he's close, the ability to let someone near me, allow someone to be physically close is something I thought I'd never be able to do. But Blue has already brought me comfort more times in the short amount of time I've had him than anything ever has.

Drew revs his characters engine, the game counting down to the start of the race and I redirect my attention to the TV. The screen says go and all of our carts dart off. The game is loud, chaotic noises and visually messy tracks but I'm learning not to focus on all the extra things rather keeping my focus on my character. I suck still but Drew doesn't seem to mind.

"Don't forget your boosters." He tells me.

And sure enough I've got some red duck shells. Firing them off they manage to hit a racer in front of me and I move up in the rankings.

I catch Drew starting on his second lap. The sound of his fingers tapping on the controller faster than mine ever do.

"Booster." He repeats.

I hit the button, electrocuting everyone else, Drew included. I move up another two ranks.

Coming up on one of the hard turns I lean my body into like maybe it'll help. It doesn't.

"You gotta power slide remember."

I don't remember but I nod my head and press a random button on the next turn. Drew starts the third lap and for once I'm not far behind, hanging out in third.

"Boosters and power slides are the key to Mario Kart." He tells me that every time.

"That and Link." I add, referencing the character Drew always picks.

"Link is awesome." He smiles a little but not in the way he normally does when we hit this part of the game and the conversation repeats itself.

I run through a question mark box, hitting the booster button as soon as I can and my character rockets forward in front of whoever is in second. I've never been in second.

And even though I should probably keep my focus on the game I can't hold in my question anymore.

"Are you okay?"

Drew glances at me but I'm trying to maintain my spot. I reach the hard corner again, hitting one of the buttons and the cart turns sideways, and for the first time I don't go flying off the track.

He waits until he passes the finish line, tossing his controller to the side.

"Remember my friend Owen?" He asks, I nod and he lets out a heavy sigh. "Jaelyn said he's coming back to school soon."

I want to look over at him, catch the things I'm not hearing in his voice but the finish line appears and I think I can make it there without anyone passing me.

"Is that bad?"

Giving in, I look over at him, he hangs his head and both of us miss the fact that I crossed the finish line in second place.

"How am I supposed to look at him knowing what a piece of shit I am?" He asks. "I've tried to tell him Holt. I went over to his house, determined to tell him and then...I didn't."

"Why not?"

His shoulders sag, I discard my controller, burying my fingers in Blue's fur as I wait for him to answer.

When his eyes meet mine, they're broken. "He's my best friend. And all I've been doing is fucking his life up. One thing after another."

I'm not exactly sure what he's referring to.

"I swear I've tried to tell Jaelyn we need to stop more than once. Even after I knew I liked her. I've even tried avoiding her but then she calls me or shows up at my door sobbing because of Owen and how he's changed. And I- I can't turn her away." I hear the anguish in his voice. "He's gonna figure it out and that'll be it. He won't forgive me, not that I deserve it."

I feel for Drew and as much as I want to give him some advice, I have none. We sit in silence, Blue's body warm against mine, keeping me grounded.

"You know it was my party? Where Owen got hurt?" He asks me. "The stupid fucking pool. Jaelyn was giving him the cold shoulder and when she finally warmed up to him he tried to play catch up, drinking, doing shots. Apparently they went into the pool house and at some point he dove in. Broke his neck in the shallow end."

All I can do is listen.

"Jaelyn let out this horrific scream, like ear piercing and everyone went running to the sound. I remember pushing through the crowd of people and there he was face down, not moving and all I can think about was how fucked this was. That I might have lost my best friend. Worst part was my pathetic ass was too busy sticking my dick in a cheerleader to check up on him all night."

Drew's crude words cause me to flinch.

"So now not only does he probably blame me for ruining his entire life, I've now also fucked his girlfriend behind his back." His head falls in his hands. "I'm a terrible fucking person."

I don't agree. I don't think Drew is terrible, then, now or ever. A terrible person wouldn't have remorse. Like him. And Drew is the complete opposite of him.

Blue shifts on my lap, nudging my hand where they're still on his back. I start running my fingers through his fur again.

"I wish it was me that broke my neck, maybe no one would have noticed and I would have just drowned. Save everyone the trouble." He mutters and fear rockets through me.

"Drew..."

But as soon as I say his name he looks up at me and smiles. It's out of place like he's trying to convince me otherwise. "I don't actually mean that."

I'm not sure I believe him.

"You're not a terrible person." All he does is scoff.

I take a deep breath, wanting him to understand that I know what a terrible person is like and there's no way he's even in the same category. That he made a mistake. One he feels bad about. That I can't guarantee his friend will forgive him but I can guarantee that I'llbe his friend. That between him and Birdie, I have two of the best friends. And I never thought that was possible.

But just as I go to open my mouth and explain all of this Mrs. Lincoln calls my name.

                             ————————

Surprise! Still here. 😂 We're officially playing the game of "Will I post, Will I not." May the odds be forever in your favor.