Safe

-32- Love Makes A Family

Kendra Lincoln

The door clicks and my eyes leave the catalogue I'm flipping through. Dr. Aldrich appears first, Holt behind her. Rhett's out of his seat first, a smile on his face.

"Hey bud." He says just as I start to stand, tucking the catalogue under my arm. "How'd it go?"

Dr. Aldrich answers first, a warm smile on her face. "It went well." She turns back to Holt. "I'll see you in a few days Holt."

"Yes ma'am." He answers quietly, staring at his shoes.

She leaves the three of us standing in the lobby as Rhett and I gather our things. I try to sneak glances at Holt, gauge how he's feeling after his session. I'm slowly starting to see a pattern. Some days he comes out a little lighter, a little more free like he believes things are changing for the better. And sometimes he comes out like he is now, hiding his face, unsure of himself, extra submissive.

He waits quietly for us to get our things before he follows us out of the building and to our car that's parked along the street. I wait until we're all buckled and Rhett has started back out onto the road before I interrupt Rhett's story on a breath.

"Are you sure you still want to come?" I ask Holt.

Without any hesitation he says "yes ma'am".

"We'll stop and get something to eat after okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

Sometimes it feels like we take one step forward and two steps backwards. I share a look with Rhett and then we ride the rest of the way to my doctor appointment in silence.

————————

We're waiting for the ultrasound tech, Rhett and Holt in the room with me. The paper crunches beneath me as I shift, Holt's rigid in the chair.

"We need to start thinking about names." Rhett says, he's been carrying on a conversation with himself for the past several minutes. "I don't even know where to begin. You have any ideas Holt?"

"No sir." He barks out.

My worry has only increased the closer we've gotten to this moment. And I can no longer hold it back.

"Holt, honey. It's okay." I tell him. "This isn't changing anything."

He nods his head but no words come out as his chest shakes.

"Look at me Holt." I climb off the table, kneeling down in front of him. "We aren't going anywhere. We're a family."

I place my hands on his knees and he jerks beneath my touch.

"H-how do you know?" He asks, his eyes meeting mine for just a second before he looks back at his lap.

"Because Holt, we love you."

His chest shakes, a choke coming from him as he tries to hide his tears.

"But that's what you wanted." He looks at my stomach, a small bump has formed throughout the past few weeks.

My heart breaks as I look at Rhett.

"Hey now." Rhett says, shifting in his chair slightly. "You remember what I said? You're my kid. Nothing's changing that."

I watch Holt closely even though he's trying to curl into himself.

"Listen honey." My mind shifts through things to say, things to make him understand that he's wanted. We want him. "This baby is more than just our baby. They're going to be your little brother or sister. And I know that they're going to love and adore you just as much as Rhett and I do."

His eyes meet mine, vulnerable and frightened but he nods his head.

"The most important thing you need to remember son is blood doesn't make a family. Love does." Rhett adds.

"And we love you."

Every time we tell him that he cries. Like he can't believe anyone would ever love him and it hurts my soul to think that whoever this man is, he did this to Holt.

"Sorry about the wait." A cheerful voice enters behind me.

I feel Holt tense beneath my hands as I smile over my shoulder and say "no problem."

But as I stand to go back to the table and the crinkled paper I lean forward and kiss Holt lightly on the head. I think it may of have startled him.

Lingering in front of Holt for a moment, I shield him from the tech as he wipes his eyes, letting out a breath that is more strained than anything.

"Are we wanting to find out the gender today?" The tech asks, all smiles.

"Definitely." Rhett answers before I can open my mouth.

"Excited dad?" She asks him.

Rhett's beaming, happiness pouring out of him. It's contagious and my heart starts to skip in my chest. I never made it this far along and I hope that the fact that we're here today is a good sign. Maybe as I reach each milestone my worry will become less and less.

Rhett nods his head enthusiastically as she says "do you think it's a boy or a girl?".

"Well she's carrying high even though baby is just a tiny little bump. I mean she doesn't even look pregnant yet you know? But she has had crazy morning sickness and smells, oh my god the smells, I had to throw out my deodorant I've always used because suddenly it smelled bad to her." He chuckles and I can't help but smile my cheeks flushing slightly. "I mean according to the old wives tales that's a girl all day right?"

She just laughs, not confirming or denying as she pulls my shirt up and tugs my pants down. The gel is freezing cold and she doesn't give me a warning as it hits my skin.

"What about you older brother?" She smiles at me as she presses the wand down on my stomach, the screen lighting up with a blurry image. "Boy or girl?"

"We're undecided." I interject, meeting Holt's brown eyes across the room. "Just healthy, is all that matters."

"It is indeed." I watch the peanut shaped form on the screen, the tech measuring things and taking notes before she says "everything looks great, she's healthy and measuring right where she should be."

"A girl?" Wonder filling my voice as Rhett says "I called it!".

"Yup, a beautiful, healthy little girl."