Mileven One Shots

Misguided & Miscarried Ghosts (1994)

PSA: Miscarriages are a heavy topic for me and many others to tackle, so if this is a triggering subject, please pass through this.
While it is darker than what I usually write, I do assure there is fluff. As many of you know, I'm a sucker for fluff, and I will always give Mileven a happy ending. ElevenJanew011 - thank you for requesting this one shot, I hope I've done your request justice and that you & everyone else enjoy!!

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Sitting in a specific room and being surrounded by the same four walls could feel suffocating. El could recall the somber sensation that condemned her for the first decade of her life as she sat within her prison in the lab. And now, as her body gently rocked in a wooden chair where she was meant to cradle her beloved child, she couldn't even manage to feel a thing. The yellow hue of the office walls; which was meant to become a nursery, were intended to be calming for her and Mike's baby. Yet, just as she reached seven weeks, she lost it. And with the loss of their undeveloped unborn child, Eleven felt as though she had lost herself. She glanced around the room once more before her eyes landed upon her wedding ring. Everything her gaze skimmed upon made her feel consumed by one thing. Grief.

El couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't be who she was; who she believed she no longer deserved to be. As far as she was concerned, she was nothing but a liability that threatened to suck the light out of her loved ones lives.

Shockingly, for the first time in the past week, El was able to convince Mike to step out to retrieve her some eggos. He had spent the last few days quite literally attached to her side. He continually praised her soul and assured her of how incredibly worthy she was. He peppered kisses along the crown of her head and soothingly caressed her back as she wretched out heartbreaking sobs. He even bathed her each day that she remained in a catatonic haze. However, the second he left, El collapsed. The screams that she had choked down finally came to the forefront of her throat as the reality of the monster that she was came barreling outward. All these years she had believed she deserved a happily ever after, but now she knows the truth. Everyone and everything was better off without her.

She hastily collected herself as she harshly batted the tears off of her stinging cheeks. Then, almost like the foundation of their home had collapsed upon her, she felt suffocatingly trapped. Without even a second thought, she ripped the front door nearly off it's hinges as she ran off into dusk with only one thing on her mind.

She was returning back to what she rightfully deserved. The life she had been given. The unloveable machine she was destined to be. Nothing except a number. Eleven.

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Losing the baby was difficult for Mike. His largest dream in this lifetime is to expand upon the family he and El had already created. The idea of a beautiful baby girl with her honey brown eyes or a baby boy with her wavy brunette hair kept him inspired each waking day. And while he was mourning this child's loss, he still remained hopeful and optimistic. He had the most brilliant woman as his wife and that was all that really mattered. There was nothing more important than her. His true family.

Witnessing her retreat into her own mind during this time was shredding every ounce of Mike's beating organ. Of course he was saddened by the miscarriage, but he was in utter distress about the wellbeing of his wife. He knew they would get past this, but watching the light ooze out of her warm heart felt unbearable. He was trying so hard to help El recognize that this was not her fault, but he knew she blamed herself regardless of the sweet assurances he provided. Seeing the shallow bags deepen beneath her eyes due to lack of sleep and her cheeks begin to hollow out due to her depleted appetite was terrifying. A part of Mike wanted to press fast forward to get her through this quicker, but he understood grief was a process. And it was something he promised to get her through.