Teasing Your Wicked Heart

CHAPTER 15

Sarah Jane was ecstatic days before the event, but as nightfall came day after day, a fretful alarm grew in her belly. She didn't belong here, and all she wanted to do was to fit in—finally be a lady.

A thought haunted her. What if she was never meant to be presented to the ton, to take her rightful place in society? What if they just found her a touch too odd?

She had transformed into someone she could not recognize, and although she felt uncomfortable to her toes, both Lady Killsworth and Lady Huntington assured her that her transformation would shock and delight Lord Killsworth. The ton would be appeased, and everything would be set into rights.

Night after night, she told herself to be still while waiting to succumb to sleep. Sarah Jane had filled her mind with images of a loving husband, young children shouting about, and a home where she comfortably rested. And night after night, she had found herself to be longing for the companionship more, feeling more alone in London than she ever was when she moved from place to place.

Mathilda had kept her company, but she longed for someone to hold her while she told him of her fears, of her dreams.

Deep into the night, as her mind finally went at ease, her nerves settling into the mattress and her body burrowing in the covers, she dreamt of her place. She dreamt of never having to move away and dreamt of kissing a handsome stranger into the dead of the night. She would murmur his name, beckoning him to collect her in a lover's embrace. But every time her lips parted, only one name came out.

Anthony.

His name had come out hoarsely, startling her in her dreams and she stirred in the bed, changing her position until she drifted to sleep once again. Her memory of having said his name lost in the sea of dreams and completely erased at the break of dawn.

Finally, they have reached the day of her debut.

Tonight, she would be presented to the ton, and they would have to like her, because... well because she could not afford to be anything but optimistic.

From the moment she stood from bed, her heartbeat did not stop its nervous rhythm—blood pulsating underneath her skin, small beads of sweat dotting her arms and forehead even as she dressed herself in elegance.

Her silken gloves clung to her sticky skin, and she longed for another bath.

As the carriage settled Lady Sarah Jane with Lady Killsworth inside its coach, she watched Anthony climb and choose a seat beside his mother. She was staring at him, but her mind began to wonder at the crush awaiting them. She prayed that she won't embarrass herself in front of all the gentlemen she would be meeting tonight.

After all, one of them would likely be her husband.

"Will you still be moving back to your bachelor's lodgings?" Lady Killsworth inquired as they were in Anthony's crested carriage.

"It seems like the proper thing to do, but I am thinking about it. Our finances are needed elsewhere," he said shortly after the footman closed the door.

He watched Sarah Jane play with the reticule in her prettily gloved hands. "You look lovely, my lady." He said with a cheery smile.

But Sarah Jane didn't appear to hear him. Her thoughts had already formed a long list of all the possible things that might go wrong tonight.

Her fingers twisted in her lap, crumpling the skirts of her expensive gown, which had been most lovely in white satin, bearing hints of cream and sage ribbons adorning the bottom of the hemline. The scallops and frills were very much in style, but she felt as if she should have been in a different dress, something heavier to cover herself in protection.