Warriors | The 100 | Season 1

0 1 8. S1 E10 Part 1

I couldn't sleep that night. My mind kept replaying the explosion over and over again. I only just lost my mother, and now my father was dead too. I wasn't sure if I was angry, sad or both. The shock of everything kept sleep at bay and refused to ease. I hadn't slept in almost 48 hours, and it looked like it would be a while before I slept again. Bellamy let me stay in his tent so I could have some space. He checked on me occasionally, making sure I was ok and asking if I needed anything. I just wanted my parents back.

Before the sun even came up Bellamy walked in and sat down in front of me and softly said: "I'm taking a group to the crash site, I'll be back tonight."
"What?!" I asked. "I'm coming with you," I said standing from my place on the floor and grabbed my boots.
"Annie, you should stay here. I don't think you're up for this." He retorted gently, standing and moving in front of the tent flap he'd just come through.
"Like hell! My dad was on that ship." I said harshly, trying to pull my boots on.
"Which is why you shouldn't come." He explained. "Just -- stay here. Take some time off. You've just lost both your parents."
"Which is why I'm coming," I stated as I pulled my jacket on. "If I stay here and do nothing I'll go stir crazy. If I go with you at least I can get some kind of closure. I'm going with you." I said and pushed my way past him and outside.
The truth was I felt numb. I didn't know how I felt. I was detached and impassive. "I'm fine." That was all I could say as I made my way towards the gate, Bellamy wasn't far behind me as I came to a stop in front of Clarke.
"Hey," she greeted me softheartedly. "How are you doing?"
I gave her a short shrug, "You?" I asked.
"Same." She replied.
I placed my hand on her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. She reciprocated my actions and we stayed like that for a moment. I wasn't a big fan of Clarke, to begin with, but I was starting to like her. And at the moment, she needed a hug.
I let her go as I heard footsteps coming up behind me. I turned around to see Bellamy holding out a pack for me. "It's a long walk. Are you sure you two are up for this?"
"Stop trying to talk me out of it," I stated firmly. "I'm coming whether you want me to or not."
The walk was long and mostly silent. The sun was high and bright by the time we reached the crash site. Debris lay everywhere, the trees encircling the blast zone were burnt and pushed over from the explosion. The ground was still smouldering and hot in places. Nothing could have survived.
I wandered around trying to find some sign of my father. The badge on his jacket; his highly polished black boots, that he was always so proud of; or even his wedding ring.
I heard Finn's voice behind me softly say: "Clarke and Annie shouldn't be out here."
"Their parents were on the ship," Raven responded. "They're looking for answers. You want to help them, find me the black box, hard drives, anything that will explain why this ship crashed."
Bellamy called out to the rest of the group that had scattered around looking for things that might have survived and could potentially be useful: "Stay sharp. Grounder retaliation for what happened on the bridge is coming, just a matter of when."
"Can you blame them?" Finn said to Bellamy.
"No. I blame you." He replied.
Finn began to say: "Maybe if you didn't bring guns--"
"If we didn't bring guns, we all would've been killed." Raven interrupted him.
Bellamy stepped in before it became a fight: "Why they're coming doesn't matter anymore. It's our job to be ready when they do. We're on our own now."
I kept wandering and searching, but nothing looked familiar. Was everything completely incinerated in the explosion? Or was I just not looking hard enough?
I was snapped out of my daydreaming when Raven called out: "Clarke, stop!"
Raven ran over to Clarke, followed by Bellamy and Finn. I decided to join them to see what the excitement was all about. A damaged structure stood before, a red liquid seeped from a pipe and dropped to the ground.
"Rocket fuel?" Clarke asked.
"Hydrazine..." Raven replied. "Highly unstable in its non-solid form. If this stuff meets fire, we're all pink mist." She bent down and picked up a small stone and dipped it in a puddle of Hydrazine before she cried out: "Fire in the hole!" And threw the stone. It landed on a pile of burning rubble and a small explosion burst into the air.
Despite her warning, it still managed to surprise the others.
Raven then went on to say: "We need to clear the area."
Bellamy nodded in agreement and said loudly for everyone to hear "Okay, then. We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot. We've got to get back before dark."
About an hour into the walk home Bellamy came over to me and asked: "How are you doing?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I retorted with annoyance.
"Maybe because we care about you, and the fact that you just lost your family." I didn't reply. "Did you find anything?"
I slowly shook my head and sighed. "I was really hoping I would. I didn't get to say goodbye to my mother, I was at least hoping to get a chance to say goodbye to my dad."
Bellamy didn't say anything in response, knowing he couldn't say anything to help me feel better. But I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to help somehow, he just didn't know how to.
It felt strange to have someone who cared about me and was interested in my life. Not that my parents didn't but for years they only seemed concerned about how I was coping in lock-up and discussed how they were trying to get my case dismissed. They didn't seem to care about my interests or if I'd made friends.
In Lock-Up Octavia was my only friend. I didn't bother trying to make other friends, knowing it would be a waste of time to make friends then die on them, only for them to shortly follow.
I knew my parents did love me, and I loved them, I tried to focus on that rather than the bad things that happened between us. And maybe that's why it hurt so much.
I knew that eventually, the pain would ease, but at the moment I couldn't distinguish between shocked numbness and the agony of my grief. It felt like someone was squeezing my chest, my brain couldn't concentrate on any one thing.