Why Won't You Love Me?: Sequel to Dazed & Confused

9

16th of September 2022

Honest: Shawn Mendes

'Everything I said, I swear I meant it, I need to tell you that this isn't your fault. And I know I'll probably regret it, and it kills me 'cause the worst part of all. It's that I hate to hurt you but I got to be honest, I can't give you what you need.'

'I don't want you to go,' I said clinging onto Shawn in the airport, feeling selfish because of my actions and guilty of where my heart truly was.

'I don't want to go either Sienna,' he said his head buried in my neck. This was the last time I was going to see Shawn before Christmas, as he was coming home for two weeks and then it was back off to the tour again.

'Then stay?' I questioned, Shawn, lifting his head to look at me, a pout on my lips as he just smiled and kissed them softly. He had said goodbye to his family and friends before the airport, not wanting to cause a scene and attract fans and paparazzi.

'God I wish I could, you know that,' he said and I nodded because for the last week, every moment Shawn got he told me that he wished he could stay and that things could be different for us.

'I know,' I said gently, tears welling in my eyes as I felt my bottom lip gently quiver and Shawn just shook his head at me as he pulled me into a hug as I was now sobbing against his chest and I could not stop, potentially ruining his white t-shirt.

'I will call you as soon as you land,' he said softly and I nodded as the PA system called his flight for the final time and I knew that he had to go.

'I love you, so so much,' I said as he let me go, kissing my lips softly, his hands holding my waist tightly as he kissed me like it was the last time he was going to.

'I love you more Sienna,' he said against my lips, hugging me one last time before he really had to go. 'I'll miss you more than you know.'

'I am going to miss you too,' I said wiping the tears from my face. 'Now go before I actually start crying again,' I said laughing gently as Shawn let me go and gave me one last kiss before he was walking towards the plane, giving me one last wave before he was gone.

I left the airport as quickly as I could so nobody else would see me in the state that I was, that being an emotional mess and I drove home straight away so that I could go straight to bed since it was almost midnight.

As soon I was home, I noticed that I had a few missed calls from Luke and one voicemail from him, which made my heart drop because whenever I had a voicemail from him it was usually bad news.

I was already upset as my fingers shook as I clicked on the voicemail from him and listened whilst still standing in the front entrance.

'Hey Sienna... I tried calling you a few times but I suppose you are busy or something. Anyways, I wanted to do this in person but you weren't answering and Ashton mentioned something about you being out for the day, so here goes nothing. I can't keep waiting for you anymore Si, you deserve better. You deserve someone like Shawn who would drop anything to be with you, rather than me, who can't even call when you are going through a rough time. I know that it sucks to hear and I know that you are still with Shawn and you love him and you love me but I am just being honest with you and it kills me because you have done nothing wrong except be honest and try to do what is right by everyone. I'm so fucking sorry Sienna and this is killing me but I need to do it because I can't give you what you want. Anyways Si, I love you and I am so so sorry. Anyways...bye.'

'What the fuck?' I questioned, having absolutely no idea where this was coming from. I knew that I was crying again but I did not care, as I called Luke who answered pretty much straight away.

'You got my voicemail...' he said trailing off as he could hear me crying.

'Yeah,' I sobbed, not knowing why I was even so upset about this since Luke and I had not been together for around two years and I should not be this upset about someone who is not even my boyfriend. 'Why?'

'Sienna you know why.'

'But I love you,' I sobbed into the phone, sliding down the wall, now sitting on the ground looking absolutely pathetic.

'I know baby I love you too but we can't keep doing this Sienna, it isn't good for you, me or Shawn. Especially Shawn. You deserve someone like him, someone who buys a house with you so you can be with him always. Someone who rights cheesy love songs about you rather than break-up ones. Sienna you deserve the whole world and I can't do that for you.'

'It just feels so normal with you Luke,' I sobbed and I heard Luke sigh from the other side of the phone. 'I have to go now Luke, bye.'

'Wait no-' he said and I did not get to hear what he wanted to say because I hung up before he could finish his sentence.

My feelings for Luke were so wrong and I knew that they were and I definitely had no right to be feeling like this, considering my boyfriend boarded a plane for Los Angeles less than two hours ago.

I was being selfish and I knew that, which only made me feel more sick and resulted in me heading to bed and lying there feeling like I was going to vomit every five minutes, lying in my bed wallowing in my own self pity.

My phone rung again and I did not even think to look at the caller ID to see who it was.

'Hello,' I said tiredly into the phone.

'Sienna, let me in,' Ashton said and I jumped out of bed, confused to why he is was here but running down the stairs to answer the door nonetheless.

'What are you doing here?' I asked opening the door. He has obviously been out for dinner, as whilst he was wearing chinos and a shirt I was wearing old pink pyjama shorts and one of Shawn's tour shirts.

'Luke called me, he wanted to make sure that you are okay,' Ashton said walking into the main living room and sitting down on one of the couches, patting the spot next to him so that I sat down with him.

'I don't know,' I said avoiding all eye contact with Ashton whilst fiddling with the bottom of my shorts.

'Sienna it's me, I'm your brother you can tell me anything,' he said which made me look up and my heart eased due to the fact that he had a supportive smile on his face. Ashton has always been the one person that I could tell anything and he would never judge me for it, and vice verse.

'You still love him, don't you?' Ashton asked after a moment of silence and I nodded, a long sigh coming from his mouth.

'I do,' I mumbled, afraid that if I said anymore that I would cry again.

'What about Shawn, does he know Si?' Ashton asked with a concerned look on his face and I shook my head and I knew Ashton would be feeling incredibly guilty right now, because him and Shawn had grown rather close over the past couple of years.

'No, I don't know how to tell him.'

It was now past midnight and I had Uni early in the morning and this conversation was only doing more harm than good at the moment.

'Sienna you gotta tell him. Everybody in your life, including Shawn, only wants what is best for you and if that includes you breaking his heart, then so be it. Stop being so stubborn for once in your life and do what makes you happy.'

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Eeeek f u luke why you gotta do that

Anyways things are gonna be getting wild in the next chapter mark my words

Not much else to say just waiting for 5sos to drop the album and aus tour dates I'm very impatient when it comes to these things tbh lol

Thanks for reading XX