Why Won't You Love Me?: Sequel to Dazed & Confused

10

17th of September 2022
Forever: Lewis Capaldi
'Darling, nobody said that it would last forever. That doesn't mean we didn't try to get there.'

'See you tomorrow Sienna!' my friend from uni, Georgia said with a smile as we left our last tutorial for the day.

'See you tomorrow G,' I said with a grin before walking in the opposite direction to her to make my way to my car and head home to get started on an assignment that I had for my Vogue internship, which I had been neglecting lately due to Shawn and Luke.

I checked my phone to see that I had a text from Shawn asking when I was finished with classes for the day, which I quickly responded to and then began the rather long drive home from university, made even worse with the ridiculous amounts of traffic on the roads at the moment.

I eventually got home after listening to Lewis Capaldi on repeat for about an hour and ten minutes, my phone buzzing that I had another text from Shawn, this time asking if he could call me, so I called him straight away.

'Hi Sienna,' he said and it sounded like he had been crying, which made my heart drop.

'Hey baby what's up?' I asked softly, sitting down on my favourite couch in the main living room, knowing that something was wrong.

'Can we talk?'

'Always Shawn.'

'God I don't even know how to start this,' he began and I knew what was happening.

'You're breaking up with me aren't you,' I said bluntly and I was met with a heavy silence from the other side of the phone, eventually broken by Shawn letting out a loud sob which ignited tears in my eyes.

'I don't want too Sienna, I really don't want too,' he cried as my body went numb and my heart felt like it had shattered.

'You've been gone for three days Shawn, what happened to making things work between us?' I snapped, feeling more anger than heartbreak in that moment, but I knew that the heartbreak would come later, it always did.

'We have been doing this for two years Sienna, this isn't what I want for you. For us. I don't want you to wait for me to come home every three months for two weeks and then repeat for the next five years of our lives, it isn't fair on either of us,' he sobbed, taking large pauses between most words to compose himself.

'I love you though.'

'I know Sienna, I love you too. We have been trying at this for two and a half years, that's a long time baby, I don't want to leave you anymore, it hurts way too much to see you at the airport like I did the other day.'

'I'll move to Los Angeles, I'll study at UCLA, my grades are good enough to transfer. I could even do the rest of my course online, I only have two years to go pretty much,' I said and I knew that I was rambling and I could almost see the sad look that was on his face right now, which made my bottom lip quiver, a trait I always do before I start to cry.

'Sienna no baby, you can't just move to be with me.'

'I can do whatever the fuck I want,' I said and I started to cry, my whole body feeling tired and sick, the heartbreak I was beginning to feel consuming my entire being.

'I know you can but I don't want you to move just to be with me. Your whole life is in Sydney and there is no way in hell you are leaving your family now,' Shawn said, beginning to calm down whilst I started to lose it, my body violently shaking when he referenced Jordan, sending me into another wave of sobs.

'I don't want to break up,' I sobbed, mainly to myself but also to Shawn, because I really wanted to be with him, no matter my feelings for Luke, I loved Shawn way too much for my own good.

'I don't want to break up either baby,' he sighed over the phone and I just shook my head, knowing that he couldn't see me but my actions were pretty much involuntary as my emotions were taking over.

'Then why are you doing this then?' I sobbed once more, which seemed to set Shawn off again because it seemed like he was crying again.

'Sienna you deserve more than someone who can't be with you on your own birthday. Someone who wakes up with you seven days a week and you can have your Sunday brunch with every week, not every seven fucking months!' he exclaimed and I knew that he was frustrated, because Shawn never swore, only when he was extremely angry or incredibly frustrated, which he was probably both.

'So,' I breathed heavily, trying to control my breathing and my tears all at once. 'This is it then?' I asked.

'I want to stay friends Sienna, please,' he borderline begged.

'Of course I want to stay friends with you Shawn, you were one of my best friends before you were my boyfriend but I think I'm going to need some time,' I said honestly.

'Okay I respect that. I think I will need some time too,' Shawn breathed.

'Do you want to post about it?' I asked, knowing that his fans would want answers when they realise something is up.

'I'll post a tweet next week. Don't delete your photos until then otherwise they will get suspicious and start rumours,' Shawn said seriously. Ah the life of being the girlfriend of an international superstar. Well, ex-girlfriend now.

'Okay, will do,' I said and I knew this where our conversation ended. 'I'm going to go now Shawn.'

'Okay Sienna, have a good night. I love you, please remember that,' he said softly and I started crying again at his latter words.

'I love you too,' I sobbed, hanging up the phone and crying into my hand to try and control the tears that were more than likely ruining my grey t-shirt.

My first thought after I hung up the phone was what the hell we were going to do with this house. Shawn paid for the majority of it, which means that he should be the one to keep it but knowing Shawn he would insist on me keeping it, which I definitely could not do.

I eventually pulled myself off the couch and trudged upstairs to my bed, which I fell into immediately, still crying like there was no tomorrow.

When Jordan passed away and Luke stopped talking to me, all I wanted to do was drink and party to make myself feel something again. I was completely numb and drinking helped with that, which was absolutely ridiculous for a seventeen-year-old to be doing in her final year of school.

This felt different though, I was feeling too much and all I wanted to do was cry and never leave my bed again, which was dramatic as hell but I was grieving for my relationship with Shawn. We could have lasted forever and we both knew that, and knowing that I potentially lost not only my boyfriend but one of my best friends was what hurt the most.

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ohhhOHHHHhooooo now the real drama can begin FINALLY

anyways how is everybody doing I'm currently at work again and starving coz I'm poor X

Really want a burger but I'm holding out coz I'm having maccas nuggets Friday and that's how my life is going lol

Thank you for reading xx