Why Won't You Love Me?: Sequel to Dazed & Confused

15

21st of October 2022
I Love You: Billie Eilish
'You didn't mean to say "I love you." I love you and I don't want to.'

'How the hell did we end up here?' I questioned as I lay in my bed with Shawn, which also used to be his bed.

'That is a very good question,' Shawn laughed and I just groaned as I knew that last night was a huge mistake and I should have not slept with Shawn, yet, here we are.

'We are dumb.'

'Yes we are very dumb,' Shawn laughed. 'But you have got to admit that we had fun last night.'

'Oh there is no denying that, we just shouldn't have done this,' I laughed. Everything felt so easy with Shawn but as I have told myself multiple times, it just did not feel right.

'Is Luke going to be mad?' Shawn asked after a moment of silence and this is the conversation that I was dreading having with him, but I knew that it was going to happen sooner or later.

'Probably but that's his problem and not mine,' I huffed, climbing out of bed and putting on a pair of grey tracksuit pants I found on the floor, still wearing an old Arctic Monkeys bad t-shirt.

'You love him Sienna, it probably is your problem too.'

'I'm sorry,' I sighed, because this confirmed that Shawn knew all along that I was also in love with Luke, or if he did not know, he would have figured it out last night.

'Don't be sorry Si, all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy and if that's with Luke, then that's okay,' he said with a smile as I found him an old jumper of his to put on. 'Don't forget, in the one who broke up with you.'

'Yeah I know you did,' I sighed, sitting back down on the bed next to him, the distance between us unfamiliar in this space. 'Was it really because of the distance or did you know about Luke?'

'It really was because of the distance,' Shawn said honestly and a wave of relief rushed through my body. 'Did you really love me or did you just need someone there to get over Luke.'

'I loved you Shawn, and I still do love you. Before you say, as more than a friend, for the time we were together I loved you more than a friend, you know that, I'll always love you Shawn, you allowed me to grow and helped me through the toughest time in my life, I'll never forget that.'

'Okay,' Shawn said with a warm smile and I just nodded at him. 'Thank you for that Sienna, that's all I needed to hear.'

'That's okay Shawn.'

'Anyways, I have a flight to catch so I should be off,' Shawn said and we stood up in unison. 'Please call me or message me or something. You are, and always will be, one of my best friends. Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean any of that changes.'

'I'll FaceTime you tomorrow night,' I said as we walked down the stairs together, the feeling of him leaving my house that was once ours, was an odd one.

'Thanks Si,' Shawn said before pulling me into a hug. 'I love you, last night was fun. If you're still single when I'm back, let's do it again,' he said with a smirk and I just rolled my eyes and gently pushed him out of the open door, a stupid grin on both of our faces.