Decalcomania

pt4

 take them to the guest rooms" she spat and left

"Let's go!" he ruffled my hair and walked us to the room, guest rooms. Every part of this house was familiar, the sensation and the atmosphere helped me to recall some memories. "Who is living here?" I wondered, I wanted to know if there were other members in my family.

"Mother, Noah, my wife and I" he counted, "and Amelia visits sometimes."

"Who is Amelia?" I raised my eyebrows, never heard this name before.

"Our cousin!" he giggled as he opened the door of the room and got in, I followed him and checked the room, smells fresh and cleaned. But then, I thought again about Amelia, a cousin!! So I have a cousin too.

"I can't really remember her!" I nervously said, feeling my brother's eyes on me, "you had crazy crush on her back in the days!" he giggled again, remembering the old days that I can't catch on. my eyes immediately travelled to Elyse who was glaring at me oddly, I could tell she wasn't pleased to hear what my brother said.

"But Alvin, can't you remember anything?" he stood before me, reading my expressionless face, I had the chance to giggle this time, "only few bites here and there, not much!" I wandered around in the room, checking everything, at least learning where everything is settled since I will be staying here for awhile.

"I will help you with that!" he tapped my shoulders, and I nodded.

"What's wrong with her, the mother I mean?" Elyse finally spoke out, he looked away from her, trying to avoid her gaze and stood next to the window,

"she wasn't ready to meet Alvin, yet!" his voice fading away with each word.

"What have he done wrong?" the question I've been dying to ask finally found its way out of her lips. She knew me better, she can always speak for me, speak my mind.

"Let's not talk about this, now!" he mumbled, "Take some rest, I bet you are tired!" he added, "For you and you, come I will take you to your room!" he pointed at Elyse and the confused Sophia. They both nodded, Elyse gave me a quick hug before she walked out with them.

I sat on the edge of the bed, wondering about everything, being chased by the police, meeting my brother, coming back home and then mother's reaction. Nothing is making sense to me anymore and I don't know what have I done before to be trapped in this.

I lied down on the bathtub, feeling the water cuddling my body with its warmth, slowly losing myself on the hands of time. Like there was no yesterday or tomorrow, I always liked it that way, alone inside a room, far away from humans and their sane selves, I can't be part of them anymore, I have left their world long time ago, and no matter how hard Elyse is trying to get me back to my normal self, I can't, my self doesn't want to come back to me anymore, but I can't tell her, I don't want her to be worried and afraid all the time, because of me.

A soft knock interrupted me, "Alvin, I brought some clothes!" my brother proudly said, I can tell he was smiling big, "and the dinner is almost ready!" his steps slowly faded away.

To say, my brother is also fighting to bring me back to life, I can't deny how desperately he is trying to put the puzzle back together but it doesn't work like that unfortunately, I can't feel myself being part of the puzzle, I'm too different now to be part of his family.

I stepped out of the bathtub and set the towel around my torso. I plodded in the room and my gaze fell on the bed, scanning the items he brought, a hoodie-slash-henley, joggers and white sneakers, casual outfit for the day. He indeed knows what I love.

I got ready and marched downstairs. To say I was nervous and scared, can never really be enough. I felt my stomach in my throat, I'm going to sit with my family on the same table, having the same meal, my mother's cooked food. I miss that so much, but will she be glad having me there!!

"Alvin! Come here" Benjamin said half aloud,

I awkwardly walked towards the table. I noticed a new member sitting next to my brother, must be his wife, she watched every step I took with her sharp green eyes. My mother on the other hand didn't spare me a glance, instead, she distracted herself with Noah, I looked at the seats and there was an empty one next to Noah and Elyse, I sat myself on the chair and descried at the heartwarming view in front of me, a family, I have a family and here they are all surrounding me. Let alone the view of the table, decorated with my mother's cooked dinner; Truffle chicken and potato gratin, Roast cauliflower with caper dressing, Panzanella salad and some fruits on the side. I inhaled the delicious smell and hardly controlled myself from drooling, but I bet it isn't as delicious as Elyse's food.

"So, you are the famous Alvin?" my brother's wife broke the silence, I was a little bit confused at her question but I nodded anyways.

"Benjamin talks about you a lot!" she said, I was somehow fluttered, knowing that I'm always in his mind, though, I wondered how come he never visited me there. I paid a glance at him and smiled, he smiled back.

"How was it there?" she blurted, her intense question was thrown at me like a fire ball, not only at me, but at the girl next to me too, I saw Elyse's grip tightening around the fork, her jaw clenched and she threw a glare at the woman. I chuckled lightly to ease the atmosphere for myself and for Elyse and answered "it was fine!"

"Where is 'there'?" Noah innocently asked as he sank his teeth into a piece of chicken, I grinned at him and put my hand over his soft brown hair "somewhere!" I replied.

Somewhere far away from here, where the sun never rises and the birds never sing, It is a place for those no-one knows what to do with, to be forgotten by the outer world. A place, where, there wasn't one word you could say that wouldn't be taken as insane. Every little thing was over scrutinized, every emotion taken as a sign of imbalance. Where time can't mean anything but few useless letters combined together. A place for people like me.

"Is Aunty Claire there too?" the moment these words left his mouth, the world turned upside down, the spoons fell on the table so hard and my chest tightened as if my throat is preventing any air to get in, my lungs were unable to move much against the suddenly heavy ribs, and unwanted tears started form in the corner of my eyes. It feels like someone threw lava on my head, my mind became as static, thoughts making no sense, replays of horrors once forgotten, here it comes again, the darkness, I'm locked again in this dark room inside my head where there is nothing but my fears and demons. I couldn't feel my body anymore but I know it was working perfectly, doing horrible things, hurting the ones I love most, they must be afraid now, seeing me like that, seeing the monster I am. What about Noah? The poor child who doesn't even know what's going on, and Elyse, the only person I trust, the only person I love. Please Alvin, don't hurt these two, don't hurt any of them, they are my... maybe family, the only people I have.

My mother was right, I should've left long time ago, I don't belong in here.

Far from the distance I could hear them screaming, crying and asking me to stop, but I couldn't.