World Tour

Brisbane VII

He knew he was a loss as he walked back to their apartment. Wow. The conversation with his sister had really driven home all the ways he was confused. 
He choked back a sob and he tried to keep it together, but as he put his key in the lock the sluicegates had opened and there was nothing he could do anymore to keep back the tide. So he walked into their house and went straight into the studio, where he knew Brett would be working. All he wanted now was Brett. 
Brett looked up in consternation as his husband stood in the doorway, tears streaming down his face. His chair scraped the floor as he got up quickly and walked over to Eddy. 
¨Eddy, mate, what happened?¨ he asked softly, taking Eddy into his arms. 
But Eddy had no words, he just stood and sobbed into his husband's chest. 
¨Come on my love, let's get you to the bed, hey?¨ Brett said softly, coaxing him like he would a small child. ¨You'll be okay. Come on.¨
Eddy let Brett lead him to the bed and lay down, burying himself in Brett's chest again the second Brett had joined him. 
Brett didn't say anything else. He just stroked Eddy's back, kissed his hair and held him close, giving him the feeling that it didn't matter how long it would take, he would just lie there with him and be there for him.
It was the sheer lovingness of Brett's reaction that caused the flow of tears to ebb finally, and the words started tumbling out of Eddy like the droplets from the waterfall they both loved so much. 
¨B... Belle... I told her that we were thinking about starting a family, Brett. I hope you're okay with that. And she... she told me that she never wants babies, and it just feels so unfair that other people can just decide to have them or not and we... we have to jump through hoops and we don't know if it will ever happen.¨ 
He took a huge gulp of air. ¨And I'm just so tired, Brett, I'm so tired...¨
He buried his face in Brett's chest again, sobbing quietly now. 
It was quiet for a long while as Brett processed this, and when Eddy lifted his head he saw there were tears in Brett's eyes as well now. Oh no! 
¨No, please don't cry Brett, it'll all be okay, I just... I just need to catch my breath, okay?¨
Brett nodded, but still he didn't speak. His eyes were wide and weary, an ocean of unnamed emotions behind them. Eddy sat up abruptly.
¨Brett, you're freaking me out, what's going on inside that lovely head of yours?¨
A tear ran down Brett's cheek and he looked so, so sad. ¨I'm sorry.¨ he whispered. ¨I'm so sorry.¨
Eddy looked at him incredulously. ¨What are you sorry for?¨
But he already knew, and he kicked himself mentally. Shit. He'd hit him right where it hurt. 
¨Brett, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to feel like you're not enough, okay? That's not what I meant at all, my love.¨
Brett just looked at him and said, so softly he could barely hear it: 
¨Am I really worth it, Eddy?¨
Brett's words hit him like a sledgehammer to the chest and he could feel the tears starting up again. 
¨Oh my God, Brett, please, don't feel that way!¨ he said, his voice crescendoing. ¨Of course you are. You're worth everything. Without you I would be nothing. Nothing, do you hear?¨
They were silent for a moment, and Eddy felt a very unwelcome thought enter his head. He tried to push it away, but then he had to ask. 
He looked down as he did. ¨So... am I worth it?¨
He wasn't prepared for Brett's instant reaction. He sat up in one motion and looked at Eddy incredulously.
¨You can' t be serious!¨ he said, his voice pained. ¨You're my world, Eddy.¨
Eddy nodded, relieved, eying him quietly and pulling him back close to him.  
¨Okay. Well, I feel exactly the same, so you don't have to ever doubt that again.¨