The Leader

37- Long Night

Frenchie took a bracelet of Erica's and left. I contemplated what she told me and was frozen. This couldn't be real. Like no way, Erica's was just in some freak accident with some people and Harry really is away on business. But... his business is a gang... no no no. He would never do this. But then again he wouldn't, right? He really would order someone to do it? But... he would never do this, I think. Plus if it was him, he would try to cover his tracks with me and be texting me and supporting me? Right?

I got my phone out and was about to text Harry when I realized if I said something then they would know Frenchie told me and hurt her. Or it wasn't stayne and Harry will actually help me find out who did it. I deleted my text.

I can't really risk it. And I don't know how to really bring it up without mentioning Frenchie. I went to go lay down and Brenna and jaden asked me what Frenchie needed.

"What did she forget?" Brenna asked.

"Huh? Oh um I think just a bracelet". I said.

"Well I guess there was no better time than now to get it back. Since Erica has no use for bracelets anymore" jaden said. We all giggled because that was just jadens humor. But it still kinda hurt.

I wondered if I should tell them. But once again. I risk the chance of them getting hurt. Especially with Brenna's baby coming soon, she's extra vulnerable now.

"I think I'm just gonna take a nap. I'm super tired." I said getting comfy. The girls got the hint and left me alone and went back downstairs.

I stared at the wall. How is this shit happening. Not only is my family constantly in the public eye but now my mean sister is dead and possibly killed by my boyfriend?! And no one seemed to see my sister get killed!?

I don't know who to talk to about this. All I know is that this is the worst feeling ever. I feel guilt for my sister dying cold and alone and fear of the thought of knowing who might of done it.

***

A week and 2 days have passed. I would love to say I'm the kind of girl who doesn't eat and loses more weight when depressed. But I've been eating constantly. I've never been so ravenous. I wake up in the morning and eat whatever Lydia makes and then more then go back to bed with snacks and then eat lunch with dessert and some more snacks and then dinner with more food and the late night snacks too. It the short span I had gained 4 pounds. Which isn't crazy but u can clearly tell because it was going to my thighs. Then I felt worse and ate more.

I was crying myself to sleep and mom took me out of school and hired someone to do online classes for me which I haven't done at all. She told me she was trying to protect me.

Seth was never home. He was drinking and becoming another Erica, Mom was always trying to keep busy with other stuff and renovating the house but would have breakdowns and dad was always at work. No one here talked to me except Lydia. She was constantly checking on me. It kinda got annoying because I wanted to be left alone. I had so much stuff built up and I couldn't share it all. I ended up writing my thoughts down on paper to try to relieve it but nothing worked.

And I should be happy because Harry comes back tomorrow and wants me to come over but I'm terrified. What if I slip up and tell him and he kills me and everyone I love. I swear I thought I knew him but if he actually did this then I truly don't.

I never believed in anxiety. But I think I was starting to feel it. My breath was quickening as I watching the clock turn to 12:00 am. It was officially the next day and I was to see Harry in 13 hours.

I look and feel like garbage. My eyes are puffy and swollen and my face is greasy and has some small pimples on it from not washing it fully. I've gained weight and Harry's probably gonna be so disgusted he might just kill me for fun.

I could not sleep. So instead I was talking to my ceiling hoping Erica could hear.

"I hope you got in up there and not down there. I hope you find happiness. I hope you find peace. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you. And I wish I knew who did this to you".

Tears were streaming down my face. But I was just talking to her. Or at least it felt like it. I went on until I eventually fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up with red and puffy eyes. I immediately went to take a bath. I turned on the water and poured a blue bubble bath in. Mom has redone my bathroom to be beige and gold. She had put in a new bath tub with the jets in. It was really nice but it was unfortunately wasted on me. Who doesn't like the pressure from the water when turned on.

I sat in the hot water for about 10 mins with my eyes closed. That's when Lydia barged in to check on me.

"Oh my god! Hello! Knock first!" I yelled covered myself with my hands. Lydia looked relieved.

"Oh thank the lord! My sweet girl I had thought you drowned!" Lydia said with her hand over her head.

"Well I'm fine." I said as I sunk deeper in the water.

"Hunter I've seen you naked before, I'm practically like a mother. Don't be silly." She said as she left and closed the door.

I sighed.

I held my breath and put my head underwater and got my hair wet. After 5 seconds I can't back up. I wiped my eyes and could feel the pressure on my eyes and cheeks.

I squeezed some shampoo in my hand and began to lather it in my hair, making sure to really scrub at my scalp. After, I rinsed my hair and put conditioner in and let it set. I drained the tub and started to scrub my body with my loofah with my rose body wash. I scrubbed so hard my skin turned red. I filled the tub back up and rinsed everything off.

When I was done I put on my cotton robe and got back into bed. I dreaded moving forward in the day. I wanted time to just stop. I didn't wanna see Harry. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I just want to sleep.