Écarté (Lost Birds Book 4)

Part 7 Handler.

"They can be quite overwhelming if you let them."

I turned in surprise toward the soft voice that spoke. Chloe was sitting on the porch swing looking out at the trees and the lake beyond the house. She didn't adjust her gaze to look at me but I still felt pressured to respond.

"They... they're just trying to help." I sighed heavily. Even though I was upset with them I knew deep down that they were just trying to help and I wanted her to know it too.

"You don't have to defend them to me. They're my team. I know exactly what each of them are thinking and feeling. What I'm unsure of is you." She stated bluntly.

My chest tightened along with my fists. The words 'My team' left me feeling confused and slightly angry. Surely she had to be mistaken. I pressed my lips together in a thin line and focused out on the lake as well. I didn't want to lash out or try to correct her. Whatever she was saying or doing she wasn't going to get a reaction from me.

"So you do feel the same for them?" She asked. I heard a slight shuffling as she rose from her seat. My head snapped around to look at her.

"Of course I do." I said shocked that she would think anything less.

"Then why do you allow them to put themselves in danger when you are perfectly able to remedy the situation?" She asked tilting her head curiously.

"Aydan-" I started but she cut me off with a shake of her head.

"If there is one thing I know about a dog team having only one bird it's that that bird is in charge. Period. It doesn't matter what they think or even what you think. All decisions once you stepped into their lives, revolve around you. Which is why the academy discourages this type of arrangement. We need equality among our teams. Equality decreases the risk of errors in judgement because multiple view points are heard and disscussed. With a bird on their team now your decisions are the ones that matter most to them and you don't even realize it which only puts them in more danger." She explained carefully.

I shook my head.

"I don't understand. Aydan said he is in charge and Theo kind of but... I'm not. I can't be." I said.

"Except that you can and you are. The next few weeks, days even, will determine whether or not you are a good fit for each other. You need to learn to work together and make decisions together. If you can't do that then you can't work together safely and we will remove you. The risks are too great not to if you cannot work together. We would rather have a team leave us than die because of improper arrangements." Chloe paused allowing me to process her words before continuing on. 

"The only way to accomplish cohesiveness and equality is if you start standing up for yourself, even when they are doing this five against one. You'll see that when you refuse to back down that in the end your decisions are the ones that count the most. They need to see this too. The sooner they realize they are excluding you when you should be included the sooner you will find balance. You need balance in order to stay together." She said.

"Wait, I thought you didn't want us to stay together. That this was ... your team..." I said.

"It is my team until they prove that they can navigate completely on their own. Which so far they have not. I'm their handler. I'm here specifically to step in when they start making poor decisions. And since they're determined to include you in all of this that makes me your handler as well. Which means that I'm here for you, and what you need as well." She said. "And for what it's worth I think you would make a fantastic addition to the academy. You are intelligent, kind, and talented. You care about the same things we do which is protecting our families and helping those that are not yet able to help themselves."

"Now as for whether or not this is the right team for you..." She shook her head. "I don't know. I don't think any of you are ready for this level of commitment and change. Even with years of therapy these boys can't understand the amount of problems that will arise with this type of relationship." She sighed.

"But you do?" I asked. It was a little snippier than I would have liked. Especially when compared to how calmly Chloe was speaking to me. She gave me a slow sympathetic smile and nodded.

"Actually yes." She said.

"...oh..." I said unsure of what to say now.

"If you're not careful in our line of work people die." She sighed and began twisting at the light-colored band on her finger.

"You're married?" I asked.

Her hand stilled and she tilted her head as she gave me another soft smile.

"I have to head in and grab Cameron but if you need anything or you decide you want to try another team or another way, let me know. The academy is leaving their offer on the table as well and we'll help in any way we can." She said.

I opened my mouth to ask what she needed Cameron for but before I could speak she cut me off again.

"Behave Theodore." She added.

My head jerked around to find Theo leaning against the wall next to the front door that Chloe was disappearing into.

"Let's go for a walk sweetheart." Theo said and held out a jacket and a pair of boots.