Écarté (Lost Birds Book 4)

Part 19 Drop.

When I came back into my body Aydan had already moved us. He was laying flat on his back and had me wrapped in his arms while his fingers trailed up and down my back.

"Hi." He said with a soft smile.

"Hi." I croaked back.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

I nodded as an automatic reflex but after the third nod I managed to catch myself and switch to a no. The second my mind caught up fully to the question and my answer I snapped. My face crumpled, my eyes flooded, and I immediately dissolved into a sobbing mess.

Aydan inhaled sharply and sat up scooping me into his arms. A blanket wrapped around me tightly and Aydan kissed the top of my head.

"It's ok baby. You're ok. I've got you." He said gently which only seemed to make the tears come even harder.

"I'm sorry." I cried but I wasn't even sure exactly what I was apologizing for. It felt like I had done so many things wrong lately. I couldn't even pin point which one I was sorry for. They were crushing me with grief. How could I be such a horrible person? What had I done so wrong to feel this way?

"I know baby. I know you are but you didn't know." Aydan said softly. "You couldn't have. The only time you ever saw your parents was when they were doing horrible things to you. That in no way is your fault... There is no way you could have known."

Aydan apparently knew exactly what was wrong with me. He'd guessed it on the first try and he was right. The horrendous crushing grief I felt was because of those poor girls my parents had kidnapped and sold. They'd been destroying lives other than mine for years and I'd been completely oblivious. Ignorance wasn't innocence. I didn't deserve to be free of them when so many others were still suffering.

"I should have known!" I sobbed. I should have done something. I should have stopped them.

"But you couldn't." He repeated stroking my hair and rocking me gently. "Baby you couldn't. There's nothing you could have done differently that would have made this situation any better."

I tried to argue but instead of words my feelings came out as horrible gut wrenching sobs. I covered my mouth to stop them but Aydan quickly pried my hands away again. He didn't want me to cut off my air. I would pass out if I did. But I didn't want everyone to hear my pathetic whining either.

I tucked my face into Aydan's shoulder which helped to quiet some of my sobbing just not as much as I would have liked. Aydan continued to hold me and stoke my hair.

Even as my tears eased he continued to quietly remind me that everything would be alright and that it wasn't my fault my parents were monsters.

By the time I had eased back down to the occasionally sniffle part of me was starting to believe him. Even believing that it wasn't my fault I still felt incredibly sad.

"What else happened last night baby?" Aydan asked gently.

"Some guy hit me." I muttered and sniffled again. "I was just walking back from the bathroom and out of no where he... spanked me."

"That's not a spanking baby, that's basically assault." Aydan corrected as he continued to smooth my hair. "He had no right to do that without your consent. No one has the right to touch you without your consent. What he did was wrong."

I sniffled again and nodded. It had felt wrong but hearing Aydan say so out loud seemed to help me feel less responsible for it. It was like confirmation that I hadn't some how caused him to react like that.

"What else happened?" Aydan asked.

"... I kissed Theo..." I whispered.

"And?" Aydan asked.