Écarté (Lost Birds Book 4)

Part 26 Ice

Once outside the frosty air and silence made it a little easier to breathe. I marched over toward a clearing hoping that the empty space would help to calm my mind enough to form a plan. I didn't quite make it into the clearing though. Just as I reached the edge of it I lost the battle against my tears and doubled over as they won out.

Selfish.

Weak.

Unwanted.

Worthless.

Horrible.

Childish.

Helpless.

The words that rushed through my mind were all things I'd heard from my mother and they all felt true. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't even survive correctly. Now the only people that had ever dared to actually love me were being tormented and destroyed because of me.

The tears came harder and harder. My stomach ached and my chest burned. I wasn't getting enough air but I didn't care. I deserved so much worse for the pain I was causing.

"Tori!" The first shout of Aydan's voice sent a jolt of panic through my system.

I wasn't ready to face him. 

I wasn't ready to face any of them. 

They would try to help and make me feel better. I didn't deserve to feel better. I didn't even want to feel better. I wanted to wallow and I wanted to make everything stop.

The only thing I could think to do was to get away from them. Not permanently. Just until I had a plan. And I had to do so quickly or Aydan was going to catch up with me. So I did the only thing I could think of. A stupid foolish thing.

I ran.

"Tori!!" The urgency and anger in Aydan's voice ramped up tenfold and so did my speed. The more upset he became the faster and further I wanted to run.

"TORI! STOP!" Aydan screamed desperately.

It was the desperation and terror in his voice that made my legs stall. They wanted to obey Aydan. My mind wanted to continue to flee. Signals got crossed. Confusion caused chaos. I tripped. My knees crashed into the surface of something much harder beneath the snow than normal dirt should have been.

A deafening heart stopping crack sounded followed by several smaller variations. There was a split second where even though I didn't know what was happening I knew it was bad. 

The guys had mentioned a lake. The sound of cracking and shattering were enough of a sign that I had stumbled across it literally. I took a deep breath assuming I would have to hold it if I was going under but the air flew from my lungs the second the icy depths swallowed me whole.

There was no thinking or breathing in the freezing darkness. Only pain and terror. Panic so thick I couldn't believe I didn't pass out. Everything burned. My skin freezing burned. My lungs begging for air burned. My eyes as I realized this might be the actual end, burned. I wasn't afraid to die. The reason my eyes burned and I wanted to fight to survive at all was because of the guys, because of my family. I couldn't leave them. Not like this.

I forced my body to obey and push its self-back toward the surface. Up and up and up until my head hit something solid. There was a flare of groggy panic as I realized there was no way out. I was trapped. This was it. I really was meant to die cold and alone.

 I was tempted to give up entirely and go to sleep. I didn't even care when something bit down on my arm and started to drag me. I gave it a light half-hearted push but it didn't really matter. There was nothing I could do. I was going to pass out any moment. If I was lucky I would do it before my lungs forced me to breathe in.

White and grey flickered across my vision. The pain faded and I began to float. I forced my body to ignore the desperate ache of my lungs even as the pressure around me vanished. I couldn't give in. I couldn't give up. The guys would never forgive me and my parents would never leave them alone.

Somehow the pressure intensified against my lungs. I could barely fight back against the pain of continuing to hold my breath.

"God Damn It Tori BREATHE!" Aydan's furious growl pulled me back from the edges of grey and white.

The pressure hit my lungs again. This time we gave in. Liquid fire burned it's way up through my chest and throat. I coughed and gagged and heaved as water flooded out of me.

My icy soaked hair was scraped back from my face as I continued to choke out the water. Once I had finished I was left wheezing and coughing. Apparently, it was enough for Aydan to move on. He scooped me up and took off for the house so fast I felt dizzy and sick all over again. I slammed my eyes closed and forced down the nausea as best I could.

"Did she..." Cam started on a gasp.

"Get Theo on the phone, tell him to head back and that we might need to meet him at the hospital." Aydan said.

"On it." Cam replied.

There was a burning pressure against my cheek and then it shifted down to my wet clothes. I understood what was happening as my layers were stripped away.

"Eyes open baby. Don't you pass out on me." Aydan ordered as he adjusted me in-between movements. A stifling pressure surrounded me as I forced my eyes open. I could barely see the hand that moved toward my face. A small pressure against my lips felt oddly familiar. I opened my mouth enough to accept the thermometer. It didn't take long for it to beep.

"To low." Sab's grumble was followed by a soft thunk and then another. There was a quiet tink sound, shuffling, and the two more thuds.

"Give me." Sab grumbled again.

Aydan shifted, the pressure around me was pulled away, and then he handed me over to Sab. I gasped as Sab's burning skin touched my own. I didn't get a chance to get used to the temperature before Sab laid down and tucked me into him. His searing thigh pressed between my legs and every inch of his scorching chest pressed into mine. He pulled a blanket over us followed by another. A second later another burning body slid under the blankets and tucked in around me from behind. My body started to tremble as the burning heat sunk into my skin. I wanted to cry in pain and relief.

"They're on their way. Theo says if she passes out or becomes unresponsive in any way we need to head to the hospital." Cam's voice filtered through the haze of pain and discomfort.

"Would a bath help get her temp back up?" Cam asked.

"No." Sab and Aydan said at the same time.

"It could raise her temperature too quickly and that would cause shock as well." Aydan added. The air from his words was to hot against the back of my neck. Without thinking I let out a heavy sigh and it sounded like another painful groan.

"I know princessa." Sab sighed. He shifted grabbing my leg just above the knee and sliding it up even further over his. I squirmed uncomfortably from the increased warmth. Aydan's arm tightened around my middle halting my movements.

I tried to stay still realizing that my moving around probably made this even more uncomfortable for them. After what felt like an eternity the pain of their surrounding heat began to ease. I started to relax against the warmth instead of fighting it. I was still shivering but it was so slight against the trembles I had that I barely noticed.

"Don't go to sleep baby." Aydan warned.

"Eyes open." Sab ordered in agreement.

I sighed in frustration but forced my eyes open.