The girl with secrets

One

My mom and I sit it in the doctor's room. Anxiously waiting for the results.

"What's up Doc?" I ask when she walks in.

"If I got a dollar every time you said that to me I'd be rich" she tells me

"You wouldn't have it any other way" I tell her and she smiles

"So what's the news?" my mom asks griping my hand nervously.

These past three years have been so difficult for our family. Not only to do with my treatment. My bother Max was in the army, he died just over a year ago on duty. He joined to help pay for my medical care- and ive never forgiven myself, the guilt i feel everyday is suffocating.

Soon after his death we moved to Arizona to get better medical care for me and a fresh start. It not only risked my parents relationship, it risked the whole family's relationship. My dad and my siblings moved to Arizona at the start of my treatment because of my dads work and they kept flying back to visit on occasions. On the second year of my treatment we moved with them to Arizona. It was quite boring really, i couldn't go to school, I couldn't go outside, I couldn't even meet anyone new. I was just so weak I physically couldn't move.

I thought I was going to die at one point, so did the doctors. Everyone even said goodbye to me. That broke my heart. The last thing you want if your family crying when your literally about to die and your parents saying that they should die before you, and your twin brother in a state wishing it was him instead of me and your two other siblings who are four and six not knowing what's going on as they watch us all crying. It broke my heart when my mom said to me 'if you want to go honey, just go'.

"Holly Wilson" she tells me and I look at her, a small smile on her face, "you are on the road of being free of cancer"

We all start to cry, "oh my god" my mom says

"You have had the most rocky road of treatment I have ever seen in my life and i can't wait to help you on your recovery. You my dear are amazing and a credit to everyone. Well done for never giving up" She tells me

"thank you" I tell her smiling before giving her a hug

"now let's talk about the recovery process" she tells us both and I nod.

"You will have four lots of scans as you know, you have had two of them already and will have the next one in a few days" she tells me

"once all four scans come back clear you are then cancer free"

"Recovery is a gradual process. Some days you will feel a little better than others. You need time to build up your physical strength and to process what you have been through"

"The time after treatment is often a period of change. You are finding out what is now normal for you or what some people call their 'new normal'. You need time to discover and adjust to what this means for you"

"Try not to rush things. Think about your recovery as small, achievable goals you can manage and build up. For example, a goal could be going for a walk or trying to eat healthily most days, or going to school. You can be flexible with yourself. Setting goals can help you to focus on what you can do and help you to feel more in control. As you achieve a goal, your confidence will start to grow. Remember to notice every success, no matter how small"

We spent the next hour talking about my recovery, my mom was flooding her with questions about what I can do better and what they can do to help me, I love my family but I can't wait to get some independence back, I was afraid I was going crazy in the hospital and at home.

I open up the front door to our house.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, this bitch is nearly cancer free" I shout walking inside I hear my mom laugh from the car

"YES!" i hear my twin brother Jordan shout from upstairs before running down and tackling me to the ground.

"what's going on?" my dad says as he walks into the hallway holding hands with my little sister Emily and little brother Oscar either side of him.

"Holly is cancer free" my mom says before she starts crying again

My dad rushes up to me, with tears in his eyes. "I love you sweetheart"

"I love you too dad" i tell him

All of a sudden I feel two sets of arms wrap around me.

I look down to see my little brother and sister Emily and Oscar looking up smiling up at me.

"Are you better?" Emily asks me and i nod

"Yay!" Oscar says hugging me tighter and i chuckle, tears forming in my eyes.

I can't believe it.

"We have to celebrate, let's go out tonight" my mom says

"or we could stay in and get a takeaway" i suggest smiling

"no we are going out, we are going to get dressed up nice. Well smart-casual" my mom tells us all

Jordan and I look towards each other and laugh.

"what?" my mom asks

"nothing" I say smiling

If I had a dollar for every time my mom said smart-casual it would be me who's rich.

"So your going to school on Monday then, it was the agreement, once you're healthy enough, back in school" my dad tells me

"I'm what?"I say in shock

Jordan who stands beside me let's out an evil laugh, "welcome back to the real world"

"I don't know why your laughing Jordan, you have to look after her" my mom tells him

Now I let out an evil laugh, "wait what? No, I'm not having a babysitter at school"

"Well he's showing you around and taking you to school at least" my dad says

To be honest I don't even need to go to school. I got given a tutor so I know way more than I should, according to the jordster i'm miles ahead of everyone in his year at school.

Apparently according to him everyone at his school, stares at him and his mates, apparently they are creepy, full of themselves and fake. So that's going to be fun when I meet the queen bitch of the school.

There's always one.

Back in my old school the populars named themselves the queens and in the year below the populars called themselves the princesses to make it a lot more pathetic.

But the lads made fun of them by called themselves the brethren to make fun of them.

I'm just glad I am able to get out of the house and meet new people, even if it is at school. I've been so deprived of social interaction from those my age it's quite sad to sad at 17, that I have no social life. But at the same time, I can't be bothered with getting one, all I want to do sometimes is just crawl up in my bed and wrap myself under layers and layers of blankets and not be disturbed, well now that's all going to change.