The girl with secrets

Fifty Two

Cancer is back.

It never really left.

It just decided to go MIA for a few months. But now it's spread to my organs.

Didn't show up on the tests and scans.

And due to it being left untreated, I've been told that I have three months left.

"Holly?" Jordan asks me and I tear my gaze from the wall I've been staring at for over two hours.

"Yeah?" I ask him

"I love you" he says and my heart breaks for him

"I love you too" i say and I see his eyes fill up with tears

"I'm sorry" I tell him as he hugs me, "I'm sorry your going to have to see me, have to go through it all again"

"I don't want to think about that, I just have you here right now and that's all that matters right now" he tells me

"I need you to promise me something" i tell him and he looks at me

"You have to carry on once's I've gone" i tell him

"Don't talk like that" he says and i shake my head

"No, it's the truth. I need you to carry on. I need you to be the big brother Oscar and Emily need. I need you to be strong and don't be a dick to mom and dad because it's going to be hard on everyone" I tell him and he nods

"I won't really be gone because I am literally your other half, as long as your living. I'm living. So do it for me, please. Don't waste your life. Promise me, you'll love your life to the fullest. You need to have fun and be around people that make you happy, don't push them away. So please, do you promise me you'll do that?" I ask him

"I promise" he says and I hug him

"Hey, I got you garlic bread" Finn says walking in and i smile

"Where from?" I ask him

"M&S" he says and i smile bigger at him

"Look I need to talk to you" i tell him and he nods pulling a chair up to the bed

"I'll leave you two alone" Jordan says before leaving

"Thanks for the garlic bread" I say and he chuckles

"What do you want to talk about?" He asks me

"I need to let you know that this is going to get ugly, like very ugly. I'm going to be a mess all the time, I'll be weak, I'll look and be so worn out. I'll need help to get ready and to walk. I'm going to me a burden. I want to let you know that it's okay if you want to break up with me, I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me cause you feel like you have to. I don't want to put you through what my family have been through before and now we're going through it again. So I'm offering you a way out now, before it gets bad. So you'll remember the happy things, not the traumatising ones" I tell him and he shakes his head and grips my hand

"I'm not going anywhere" he says

"I don't think you understand how bad it's going to be on you, I don't want you to remember me as the sick girl, I want you to remember me as the happy girl. I'm going to be in a dark place and I'll tell you that I want to die and your going to wish that you got out when you were able to" i say crying and he wipes away tears from my face

"I'm staying with you Holly, because I love you. We are going through this together because I love you. I can't imagine my life without you, Rapunzel. I love you so much and if that means that I have to see you at your lowest then bring it on because I'm going to be by your side until you leave me" he says tears falling down his face

"I'll never leave you, I'll always be with you" i tell him and he hugs me

"I love you" i tell him

"I love you too" he says and he kisses me.

He rests his forehead against mine for a few seconds before the door opens.

We look at the door to see Kelly and Raymond with my parents.

"Hey" my dad says walking to my side

"Do you need anything?" He asks me

I shake my head, "I'm all good, I have my garlic bread"

They all chuckle lightly and I look at Finn.

"Here" he says and he hands me a slice of garlic bread

"You know me so well" i say and he gives me a small smile

"I do don't i?" He says and i smile

"You do" i say biting my lip slightly.

I love him so much.