The girl with secrets

Fourty Six

"Who's Lucas?" He asks me

I look away from him.

I feel a tear trickle down my cheek and I wipe it away.

"Did they tell you?" I ask him annoyed

"They didn't tell me anything... well they did but they just told me to ask you" he says and all of a sudden the door bursts open to reveal three section laughing and talking amongst themselves.

"The one person I told you not to mention ever again until I was ready" I tell them and they all look at me stunned, "and you did"

"Holly we-" Matty begins

"Yeah you guys might be able to talk about him but I'm not ready yet" I tell him

"It's been over a year" Nandos says

"You don't think I know that?" I hiss

"Holly calm down" Jordan tells me

"Calm down!" I repeat getting more riled up, "you know for a fact, how much I loved him. How much it killed me so no, don't tell me to calm down"

"I lost two people that day, so sorry if I'm not ready to talk about it" i say before I walk away up to my room and slam the door shut.

I hear the muffled voices from downstairs and I cry annoyed.

Lucas.

That name even kills me.

I hear a knock at my door, "come in"

"Holly" Finn says coming up to me and pulling me into his arms

"I'm sorry" I say

"It's okay, I shouldn't have asked" he asks

"No, you didn't know. I can't expect you to know everything about me when you don't know everything" I say

"I don't expect you to tell me everything right away darling, you can tell me when you ready" he says

"No, I will tell you now" I say

"You sure?" He asks me as we sit down on my bed

"Yeah, before I loose confidence" I say and he nods

"Lucas was Max's best friend, he was eighteen and we met just before I turned seventeen. Max was told to mentor Lucas because he was more on the wild side" I begin

"He came to live with us because he didn't want to go back home after deployment. We instantly hit it off, he visited me everyday without fail in the hospital until they had to go back. We wrote to each other for months. After one deployment he came back and one thing lead to another and we started dating" I say

"We loved each other. Jordan told me not to get too attached. I knew what I was getting into but I didn't think that it would happen to him" I say wiping away a few tears.

"They had to go back out again but this time it was to Afghan. On one mission they were searching for a Taliban member, someone high up on their radar as a wanted man. They needed to catch him. They found out that he was hiding out in some abandoned warehouses and shopping centre type buildings" i say

"Max and Lucas were searching on a top floor of a warehouse and Lucas jumped in front of Max and pushed him out of the way when he saw the IED in the backpack. Lucas held the backpack to his chest to try and stop him from getting injured. But it was so intense that the power forced them both to fly off the six story building and onto the ground below" i say

"I don't know if they felt pain, I don't know if they died on impact but I know that when their bodies came home they didn't really come home. They will always remain in Afghan, their souls" I say before looking at Finn.

"And when Freya mentioned about dating a solider I got all wound up because I don't want her to go through what I did. I lost two people out there and it was and will be one of the worst experiences I'll ever have in my life. I've had my fair share of grief, I just don't think that I can we handle anything else" I say wiping away my tears

"And then the lads told me that you were going to join and it just put me on edge because I can't loose you too" i admit and he pulls me into his chest and I hug him

"Your not going to lose me, I'm not doing anywhere" he tells me kissing my forehead

"One thing, I don't even know why the lads mentioned the army because I don't even want to join any more" he says

"You don't?" I ask him

"No, it was an idea I had when I was sixteen. Mum convinced me out of it to be honest" he says and i chuckle lightly

"Well I'm glad she did talk you out of it" I tell him

"So am I" he says

•

•

"Lads" i say sitting in front of three section

"I'm sorry guys I shouldn't have over reacted" I say

"It's alright" nandos says

"No it's not, it's not fair on me to take out all of my shit on you. You don't deserve it, as much as I'd love to talk about them. It's just too painful for me" I admit and they all hug me

"I love you guys" I say

"I love you too" they all say at the same time and we chuckle