Avalon

•25•

Starry Serenade

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I'm falling

In all the good times I find myself longing for change

And in the bad times I fear myself

As the horizons changed over the days and stars from afar zipped past his windows the deeply rooted anticipation heavily mixed with dread and a dash of depression almost broke the man sitting behind almost foot thick window on the observation deck. The bottle clutched in his hand almost empty and several more lining up the wall next to the seat. It was feeling of utter helplessness that lingered heavily in the air as the dark room hid the tear tracks on the haggard cheeks and rough surface of the scarred neck covered by five-o-clock. The intensity of immense loss and grief for times too far away and mistakes too far gone to be corrected. Lifetime of regret and sour self doubt and blame.

It was all eating the man so full of all the dark he was seeing behind those windows from his control panel. It was eating him for decades upon decades. Yet he still wasn't fully aged nor was about to. Despite the factor of immortality of some level or being forever young because maybe there was a mixed up alien blood donation sometime he was still looking almost twice his immortal age. Scars and general roughness made his face appear so old. Almost politely appropriate for a man gone through a ringer and seven years of doom before suspended in space for some more.

And longer he let it the deeper he fell.

Just that nobody ever would see. They didn't have to. It was his and only his own fault and he'd take it.

He didn't deserve all the luxury he was facing.

Hell, he didn't deserve to be alive yet he was.

A spasm rippled through his spinal cord and jumbled the nerves within sending his leg out in a weak reflection of a kick. Another one abruptly broke the marginally stable hold of the bottle and it went rolling away to join the cavalry of the rest of empty squadron. Approximately eleven empty and six more full bottles. Seventeen together and just for what he allowed public to see.

Given the rank and reputation his file presented Noel "Narcho" Alisson was enough to be never questioned about why a man of such rank would be getting drunk despite it being much in vain. Because he was so immune to normal earth human alcohol he required especially wicked alien sort. While easy to achieve for Enterprise ship-crew the desired effect was leaving a lot to be desired even for man like him.

But surprisingly as it was not even Admiral or Captain ever tried to make any knowledge of their best Lieutenant and notably skilled Pilot slash Helmsman of the main ship trying to drink himself to death on every given day. He was part of most important Enterprise crew members. Also he was great part of extra crews who led the battleships into fights against violent aliens. Part of patrol unit and attack lead that protected the main ship full of scientists and explorers. Full of families among crew and full of life otherwise.

Who cares if one more light goes out

In the sky of a million stars?

It flickers, flickers

The lonely Commander for his small fleet and Lieutenant for main ship. He used to be a captain for short moment but while his strategic skills still impressed the heart was in the little things. Heart he was deliberately holding out there. Maybe because otherwise he'd truly give up his attempts of life and it would not be fun.