Avalon

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Where Will You Go

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You're too important for anyone

You play the role of all you long to be

But I, I know who you really are

You're the one who cries when you're alone

It took some very sweet time but finally the whole traffic started to move and Neal pulled his brain out of the darkness. It wasn't pleasant to fall back into that abyss.

Past was something Neal hated to recall and as much as he could there was nothing he liked too much these days.

Maybe just the few things Peter yet shall to discover, but not that it mattered anymore. Right here and now all that mattered was his status and what will happen when it will change. Because it will one day and Neal did hope with the strongest hope possible that his original deal will stay intact eventually. Even with the rest of the bureau staff that was pulled along with him.

However, when things like presentations and super fancy balls, were thrown at him, in this world, made Neal want to crawl into some dark corner until it was all done.

Something had seriously drowned that old spark for events that the conman used to have just a while ago. Well, on Earth anyway. It still felt too fresh and surreal.

Like how one could be in one place in one time and then suddenly be elsewhere in time that's like absolute science fiction and future?

It was, and still is for the most part, a big struggle to wrap one's mind around it.

Unfortunately Neal's brain literally broke trying to get this sorted. While Peter and the rest of FBI gang seemed pretty much okay in comparison.

Even El and June.

What made Neal different then?

But where will you go

With no one left to save you from yourself

You can't escape

It took the longest time Neal could recall, including his botched imprisonment, to adjust something. As far as he could think of, also including his arrival in NY, he had no doubt of his ability to adjust. He just did jump into any situation and strived to fight it.

Usually even came out of it without any scratch. Keyword being without.

Many times he did come back with more than scratches and less grace he'd consider polite. But only Mozzie was aware of some of that. Many many times even Mozzie knew what Neal had acquired during their both and separate heists. Sometimes it's not even worth mentioning other times close to loosing life. And while Mozzie, or for short time Kate or Alex, witnessed enough of Neal's mishaps none of that ever came to knowledge of the FBI or even Peter Burke personally. And with his involvement with the Bureau came some general tests which Neal avoided greatly by conning and eluding all the things he knew best and so far his records came back satisfactory and he avoided ever mentioning anything to Peter since the agent would jump at it like a dog at a bone.

He couldn't afford that.

Here he had no way to con his way out of anything. Or he suspected his conning days weren't here to come. May e he's even lost his fabulous ability to con people and do all that cool stuff Kate once admired him and Mozzie recruited for. Or that's how he felt for the past whatever much time passed since the arrival. He still kinda liked the place since it still came as best compared to that hellhole he was supposed to live after taking the deal. FBI wanted him to live in a dump unless he found something better minding that he shouldn't find anything. In general he wasn't supposed to be his charming self and let life shine a bit brighter. Like he wasn't supposed to live a life once and for all. And sure Marshall's never went easy on him for being who he was. They kept coming aft his crimes and take away all he hoped to ever have.