Avalon

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One Step Closer

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My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

He stood there in front of his mirror and stared for what felt like hours at the reflection he no longer associated with the image he once used to. Sure he kept himself as good as he could but it was getting the day the more noticed by the people he worked with. And he knew they noticed and worried. Heck whole office kept walking on eggshells around him for the past month. And worst of all was Peter.

Neal felt his heart constricting in his chest as he thought of how deeply worried the agent's eyes looked at him as Neal smiled his way through reception. How pained the older man looked at the way Neal faked his tiny incident at the coffee machine as something to amuse the new secretary.

He knew Peter was seeing through the flimsy pretense he was putting up. Hell, the con was slipping and he was desperate to keep it until he was getting out of the solitary and into new accommodation. He had to hold on until he could be able to get back together with Peter and El. Otherwise his mind will soon go completely and even the nice hosts won't find him useful enough to let him free. Neal never believed any of them. They said that his Earth crimes will be erased and he'd be given clean bill. No red tape to follow him. New life ahead.

Promising and full of hopes and new ways to go. But ever since he landed on this planet and got herded out with thousands of other people in just as high hopes as he had that moment.

Just Neal stopped feeling hopeful the moment they put him into solitary confinement until his quarantine days will be over. And so far nobody would guess that being separated from everyone outside work could just break the man Neal was so heavily.

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Well at least Neal believed he was broken. The gloomy sadness that stuck to him long after he should be adjusted to the new environment, the dark thoughts and just general emotionless and absolute lack of any joy. And the void in his chest was slowly growing bigger and bigger and went deeper by second.

It wasn't affecting work, yet. But the little trip made everyone look and he didn't like it. It was pretty much putting a beaming light upon his head. And it was like the only thing he couldn't afford to happen. Because if they find out he's done. Screwed.

But now, staring at his unrecognizable reflection Neal Caffrey didn't know anymore. He'd slipped already and it had hit too far. They suspected and he was way too deep, no turning back anymore.

The odd sensation and weird dreams begun the following night. The one he hoped to actually catch some sleep.

Instead there was a nightmare or just an odd dream of something. From times long lost.

From the looks of it there was some sort of camp going on. Many kids in uniforms and doing some tasks. Military style but just kids.

It confused Neal to deep end because no matter how far he looked into his past he could not remember anything like that. And as far as he knew he had no siblings either.

The dreams so far made no sense but they did tell a story. A story that wasn't his but it was in a way. He knew it has to, the little boy from who's perspective he was seeing it all looked in the mirror, just like him now, and Neal saw himself the way he remembered from couple pictures he saw at Ellen's.

Read between the lines

Of what's fucked up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

But why would he see himself in these dreams was yet another mystery.

Until he saw another kid like him and something made Neal seriously doubt his mind. It could make sense in way because contrary to popular belief Neal Caffrey had no particular childhood memory aside vague vision of his father being piece of shot and his mother wasn't really there. All that was like a flash of something that didn't really belong him. And way too distant.

And for the past, who knows how long, time Neal felt extremely detached from his past. It truly made him feel as if before he went to New York nothing else existed. And as he stared back at his significantly deteriorated self there was no telling what was his own memory and what was the dream.

It was like sleepwalking. Just there was nobody to catch him when he would fall.

Fallen angels at my feet

Whispered voices at my ear

Death before my eyes

Lying next to me I fear

She beckons me shall I give in

Upon my end shall I begin

Forsaking all I've fallen for

I rise to meet the end