Avalon

•56•

Still Here To Find You

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Musing through memories

Losing my grip in the grey

Numbing the senses

I feel you slipping away

Fighting to hold on

Clinging to just one more day

Love turns to ashes

With all that I wish I could say

It was indeed far beyond what he could do about this weird situation. And yet he put on that sleek con mask he'd donned for so many years of his life he could no longer count. He once more became the person he was sort of not wishing to be anymore. Neal Caffrey lost himself so long ago that what everyone saw was no longer a real person. He has had become his own mask and it was tearing apart him on the inside.

The thing was that he struggled to do that but with the FBI on his neck he could no longer choose his life. Sure Peter would try to help, El would be very understanding and he felt even Satch was helping. But Neal was realistic. The agency turned a blind eye and showered the reassurances just to put aside the actual deciding and telling.

He knew that soon enough they will put the last word down and he will never see the light of a day. That was what he knew they will do and there was nothing left in this world to change their minds. That decision was made exactly two months ago, just the small detail of show that had to go on.

Neal always knew he had something about him that helped to be the perfect thief he was. And while his planning was impeccable and he kept some extra plans for unexpected circumstances that he rode out with creativity and wit, he also knew there was something else. Especially once the night laid it's starry blanket over the city.

Had the island had such accommodation during the events he'd slip through their fingers. All of them.

When he got shot for that smidge of a blink of an eye he almost had it. But then he faded just for a moment and blanked out. It's something that just kept happening without his meager consent.

Whatever was wrong he knew he was close to it happen again had the nice gentleman not come to his aid.

He wanted to seep into the carpet, dissolve into shadows, fade from the world...

The pull was getting incredibly and increasingly stronger by each passing second and the feeling inside was becoming too painful to maintain his mask. Luckily his slip to the side wasn't taken too interesting so he maintained his seat and kept the struggle internal. For the time being.

***

Every night I dream you're still here

The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear

When I awake, you'll disappear

Back to the shadows

With all I hold, dear

With all I hold, dear

I dream you're still here

It was becoming harder and harder to maintain his goal to either find Noel and stop the Roland. Nate slipped into a dark side room at the very end of the hall and crumpled on the floor. He was seriously struggling with all his might.