Avalon

•43•

Field Of Innocence

*************************

Where has my heart gone

An uneven trade for the real world

Oh I... I want to go back to

Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

Neal kept expecting something to happen all the way to the building they held the Gala. Something kept nagging at his senses. Jones kept up his gentlemanly manner and didn't bug Neal about his quiet behavior. Maybe the other man understood him or was just really polite. It wasn't unnatural for Neal to sometimes be quiet and closed off. Though it was rare enough for anyone that had spent time with the CI to witness any of that. So basically it was also weird that agent didn't try to make Neal speak.

Maybe he did look bad enough so they didn't push him?

But his musings were short lived as Jones stopped the ride and turned to Neal.

"Man, I know this has been hard time of your life, we've all been through something tough and we each have our own coping mechanisms. I just really hope you are getting help with that processing. And before you say you're fine, don't. I can see you're struggling every day you come to office. Trust me I wish the whole thing was easier on you, I do, but it's all we can do here. So, just hold on, it'll get better." Jones finished his speech with patting Neal on the shoulder.

Neal sighed already feeling better. "Thanks, Jones. It really means so much to hear that. I just can't get used to life like this. I mean the thought that it all just changed so quickly I barely had a moment to gather anything and next thing I knew I'm already on some weird planet and it's like nothing I've known before and then I'm thrown into some lonely room and I barely can talk to anyone. It's not easy, I'll admit." Neal breathed in, "But I'll live. I've been through so much tougher shit, Jones. This is a bit of a struggle, but there's nothing to worry as long as I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. And you guys promised I will. I trust you, all of you. It's the only way here for me. I've got nothing else left. This is just not the world I find my way through." He started to feel incredibly easier just saying those words to someone he'd known for a while and trusted with his life. It begun to make a difference.

"I believe you, Neal. It's not easy. Nobody here feels the same. I can't sleep without a nightmare at least once a night. And then everything else is just too weird. Office, streets, environment, even air." Neal watched the way his friend, yes, he did consider Jones his friend. Like Diana and Peter, even Cruz. He did find those people close. "Neal, even Peter and El struggle. Diana and everyone else from the office. We all do. You're not alone, Neal. Just hold on."

"Thanks Jones. I appreciate your concern. I'm gonna do my best." And he even smiled at the agent. First somewhat real smile.

After their short talk Jones kept driving to the location while Neal mulled over his wild thoughts. His mind kept turmoiling and the whirlpool it usually was kept its state. But his heart felt lighter now. Maybe he just got his reprieve early.

Whichever it was Neal just felt Jones told exactly the right thing and deep down he didn't doubt others struggled as well. It was just Neal's luck to have had his cards dealt the other way.

And he missed everyone only because they were close to him. Family and friends.

I still remember the sun