Teen Titans one shots

Spying with Slade

Summary: Slade is looking to be a better villain, so he decides to spy on the titans. Little does he know he's interrupting an acrobat and an alien's first official date.

Note: Slade is ridiculously out of character. But that makes this kinda fun.

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"I've done everything."

Slade was leaning back in his chair, surveying his cold and depressing hideout while trying to conjure up a plan. He flinched when steam blew sharply, since he couldn't afford splurging on a lair and the pipes weren't holding up.

"WHY did I choose to work in an abandoned factory? It's just noise, noise, NOISE!" Slade kicked a stray rat from its corner, and clenched his teeth in anger. 

"I need some food. APPRENTICE! GET ME MY TACO BELL!" He sighed once again, remembering both Robin and Terra were gone. He started to grab a broom, and sweep some dust up. A good evil mastermind shouldn't have a messy workplace.

"Well, Slade, it could've been worse. You could've died in the lava where Terra pushed you. Man, my pupils really aren't committed." He mumbled to himself as he finished the sweeping. "Now, what to do, what to do..." 

Slade pulled up his analog laptop and gathered his files on the titans. "Computer."

"Yes, Mr. Wilson?"

"I am not Mr. Wilson. I am Slade, the definition of evilness...oh, never mind. Track Robin, please."

"Tracking Robin." The tracker beeped, showing that his former mentee was at a restaurant.

"Giovanni's Pizza. Interesting. This could make for a good surprise attack." He jumped from his seat excitedly. "I will fire up the Slade-mobile."

"Proceed with caution." The computer suddenly fired up again. "Robin is accompanied by Titan #4, case file known as Starfire. Information from files says her power could possibly annihilate the known universe."

"Stop, computer. If Starfire is there, the other titans are too. Today's not the time for villainy, I suppose." He slumped out of his slade-themed office chair and prepared for bed. "Annihilate the universe...I could too if I had a big enough ray gun." 

"They are alone." 

Slade swiveled on his orange heelie boots. "What's that, computer?"

"The Tamaranian and Robin are presently occupying their time without their teammates."

"Alone? The titans are almost always together. It's rare to catch them alone, unless.."

A lightbulb went off in Slade's one-eyed head. "A DATE!" 

He whacked his noggin in excitement, beaming at the screen projection. "Of course! The weakness towards fighting Starfire when he was my apprentice, the long goodbyes, the hug at the literal end of the world! Computer, I'm so oblivious that you might as well shoot me in the head!"

"Preparing the laser gun, sir."

"We can play our death avoidance game later. For now.."

Slade flipped on his mask and winked his remaining eye.  "It's spying time!"

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After a long ride in the slade-mobile (that may or may not have previously been a taxi) the vile supervillain arrived at the restaurant. Children laughed and shouted, heckling his ride.

"Damn kids...don't know a threat when they see one." As he brushed off the soda that had been thrown on his suit, Slade felt a tug on his utility belt. A little girl was staring up at him, grinning.

"Hey Mister, I really like your Slade costume." She began to survey his mask. "Can I have one too?"

"Yes..I suppose you may." Slade begrudgingly handed her robin's old costume. "But present it to me later! I'm in the process of winning back my apprentice and.." 

"Thanks, Mister!" The girl suddenly snatched the suit away and ran to show it off to her parents. 

Slade sighed. "Oh well. She will just have to be captured when I take over the world later. Now where is.."

"Robin?" A melodic voice piped up near the bush Slade had taken his place behind. "Are you done parking the cycle of motors?" 

"Yeah, Star. Ready to go in?" 

"With you, of course." The alien purred, making the boy wonder's face feel like a puddle of goo.

"Sickening." Slade whispered to himself. "Practically drooling over each other. I couldn't even find a nice lady to go out with besides mother-mae eye."

He whispered to his suit. "Computer, project my waiter hologram."

"Projecting hologram, sir." Looking down, Slade saw that his suit had been replaced with a snappy tuxedo, and that he now shared the goatee of an italian chef.

"Mamma mia.." the outlaw mumbled. "This will be a very..convincing disguise." Giving up on all dignity, Slade used his grappling hook to snatch a blank check pad from a pretty waitress nearby. Thinking it was just another unwelcome slap on her butt, the server groaned and moved away.

Slade giggled like a 12 year old girl and slipped the pad into his back pocket. "The plan is coming together! The walking traffic light will be brought back to me, the alien will have her powers harnassed, and TOGETHER WE WILL CONQUER THE-"

"Excuse me?" An annoyed looking Robin tapped Slade's shoulder. "Do you think we could get our waitress back? We'd like some more bread for the table."

"Agreed, boyfriend Robin." Starfire twirled her hair, beaming. "The bread with my packed glorg from home is most enjoyable!"

Slade almost jumped for joy at the opportunity that had shoved itself in front of him. "Of course you may have more..and would you look at the time? Cassandra must have just taken her break. Looks like i'll be your waiter today!" 

Starfire scrunched her petite nose. "But I believe our server of the meals was named Julie." 

"Oh Julie, Smulie. Would miss like some extra mustard for her palate?" Slade cracked another fake smile. The extraterrestrial was on to him. 

"Of course." Starfire smiled, and let the embarrased tormentor happily scurry out of the situation. She turned to her significant other, who was struggling to keep a straight face.

"So..we know that's slade, right?" Robin stared at the clueless antagonist, who had seemed to have forgotten that his mask still resided in his pocket.

"Shh." the alien powerhouse quieted her boyfriend and entwined their hands together. "Let him have the fun."

And they both smiled, and proceeded to enjoy their date.

While Slade proceeded to poison their spaghetti.~

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I really want to write a story of just Slade talking to himself. Good lord what kind of writer am I?

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