Nineteen

Chapter Sixty

When I open my eyes, I can make out a figure laying beside me. As the fog clears from my vision, I see that it's Collin. 

"What is going on?" I say as I rub my eyes with my cast-less hand.

He groans and stretches his arms out, but he continues to look at the ceiling. "I don't think you want to know."

What? What could have possibly happened?

Right as I ask myself that question, I do the math. We're in the same bed and he's shirtless. I put my hand under the blanket and I'm relieved to feel that I'm in shorts.

But they're not mine.

"Oh my god! Did we, you know?"

Please for the love of god, say no.

He covers his eyes with his hands. "I think so."

I'm mortified. As I think about it, I can remember it. We we're both too drunk to realize what we were doing.

I cover my face. "Oh my god! I've never actually done it with anyone, and I done it drunk with a stranger!" 

I feel as if I've betrayed myself in every way possible. Me and Bailey were intimate, but I didn't feel as if we should break that point yet.

And here I am. I've broken it with someone I barely know. I can never get that back.

He raises up. "I'm so sorry. We we're drunk. I know that's not a viable excuse, but I don't know what else to tell you."

He looks almost sad. Like something has hurt him.

I know I shouldn't think it, but I can't help but notice how hot he looks right now. 

A part of me is glad this happened, so maybe I won't make a big deal of it when it actually does happen. The other part of me is sad that I couldn't make that choice.

I sit on the side of the bed. "It's okay," I say.

We both sit in silence for the next little while. I'm not even sure how long we're there when he finally stands up and leaves the room.

I gather my clothes and change into what is mine. I see that I'm still in the frat house, but I have no idea who else is here. 

I feel violated and uneasy as I pad across the room and prepare myself for the walk of shame. 

Then suddenly I remember. I didn't drive here last night.

Of course I would have to ask someone for a ride home. I'm already embarrassed enough.

When I poke my out of the door frame into the hallway, all I can see is empty cups lining the walls. I start to tip-toe through the pathway.

As I begin to walk down the stairs I can hear someone in the kitchen. I hope it's not Collin.

It's even worse when I get to the bottom and see who it is.

Around the island stands Link, Bailey, and Clark. Out of all the people passed out in the living room, the three I really don't want to see are blocking my way out of the house.

I slowly make my way into the kitchen, shoes in my hand, and eyes to the ground.

"Hey, Em," Clark says to me.

Be cool, I tell myself. "Hey, C."

He brings his eyebrows together at the sound of his nickname. I have no idea why I used it in front of these people. I'm nervous. But Link and Bailey don't seem to notice, as they hold their head in their hands. I'm pretty sure Bailey fell asleep.

He mouths to me where nobody else can see it, "you okay?"

I shake my head back and forth. He can read my thoughts and he grabs his phone from the counter.

"Well boys, I better go. I have a class at noon," he says.

Link waves his hands in the air like he's telling Clark to hush, and Bailey doesn't flinch at the sounds.

I follow Clark through the house and out the door before I put my shoes on. I see his vehicle parked on the other end of the street and it couldn't feel farther away.

The sun literally feels like it could kill me at any moment. Clark is still walking to the car like nothing bothers him. At this point, I'm sure he's tolerant to alcohol, considering all the parties he went to in high school.

Once I get inside the car I collapse and melt into the seat. I grab a pair of sunglasses from the console and bring them to my rescue. 

"What happened?" he asks me when he sits down beside me.

"Take me to my dorm and spend the day with me," I mumble as I lay my seat all the way back.

"I really do have a class at noon, and its already eleven," he says, "but I'll stay as long as I can."

I don't reply, instead, I fall asleep during the short ride.