Nineteen

Chapter Ninety-Nine

He lets out a sigh and sits back on the couch. "I have plenty of money put away. You don't have to worry about that."

I hate to admit that I'm interested in what he's talking about, but right now isn't the time to open that discussion.

I sit beside of him. "Are you scared?" I ask.

"Fuck yeah, I'm scared", he says, "I've never been settled in my life, and now I have this permanent thing coming."

I shiver at the comment of him never being able to have anything permanent, that everything he wants has been temporary.

"I hope you like me, because you're stuck with me for at least eighteen years," he jokes.

I know we shouldn't be joking about the situation, but that is the only way I know to deal with things, and it look as if he feels the same way.

"Same for you," I say. When I look over to him, he's staring at the ceiling above. I notice the way his jaw is shaped. His face shows that he hasn't shaved in a day or so. He looks much older this way.

"We have little time to prepare," he softly says without breaking his gaze from above.

"I just really don't want to have a baby in a dorm room," I reply. I didn't know it bothered me as much as I'm figuring out right now. It terrifies me.

"That won't happen, trust me."

I suddenly remember that I've left Clark outside for who knows how long. I raise up.

"I have to go," I say as I gather myself and stand.

"What? Why?" he asks as he does the same as I do.

"Clark is waiting for me outside."

"Let me take you back. I can stay with you and we can talk some more," he offers.

I like the idea, but I don't want to use Clark.

He frowns at me when he sees that I'm not answering. I quickly speak up. "Uh, sure, but I'm gonna go back with him," I say.

He runs his hands up and down his jeans. "I'll go grab some stuff and meet you there," he says as he turns and walks to the stairs.

I turn and walk to the door. My chest feels as if I've lifted twenty pounds from it, but then it all finds it's way back when I remember my situation.

"How did it go?" Clark asks when I sit in the car.

I wipe a few tears from my face I didn't know had fallen. "Good, actually," I say.

He smiles at me before putting the car into gear and starting to drive.

"He said he's going to come over to my dorm so we can talk some more." I know Clark said he would stay, but I'm hoping he understands who I really need right now.

"That's fine. You all have a lot to talk about," he says. I smile at my best friend.

I sometimes the next ten minutes thinking about my future. What will happen to me? I have no idea, but I know that I don't have much time to figure it out.

When we pull into the dorm parking lot, I take a few minutes to gather myself. Clark gets out of the car and sits on the hood, waiting for me.

I step out and join him. The warm air fills my lungs and I feel as if I can actually breathe.

"When are you going to start planning?" He asks.

"I just found out today, Clark," I remind him even thought I know this is something that needs your full attention. From here on out.

He laughs and just shakes his head. I want to laugh, but I just can't do it. He grab my hand and we just sit. We sit and take in the silence the campus is offering.

A few minutes later, we hear the roar of the black truck pulling in behind us. We both let out a sigh and stand up.

When his feet hit the pavement, he's changed clothes into a pair of tight sweatpants and a hoodie. It's not his typical outfit, and I'm kind of thrown off by it. It looks good.

"Hey," he mumbles when he approaches us. We both give a half smile in the most awkward way we can.

Without another word, we all turn and start walking to the dorm building. I don't know what to do or what to say.

"Are you hungry?" Collin asks after a few steps. I look at him and he's staring at me as we walk. "Yeah, a little," I reply.

Without a word, he reaches into his pocket and types the number of a pizza place into his phone, saving the call for the dorm room.

Clark is silent as we walk. I want to wrap my arms around him, and thank him for what he does, but I deicide another time would be better.