The Risk Of Falling (Edited)

THIRTY ONE

DP hadn't texted in days. It didn't matter anymore; I knew what I was doing when I stood him up. I turned over in my bed, checking the time. I sighed when I realized that it was nearly time to get up. Great. I hardly slept during the night because I was beating myself up over DP. There was no need to. He didn't answer my texts, which was enough to tell me that he didn't want to talk to me again.

I picked my phone up, going to our conversations. My heart dropped when I saw that he had read my texts but decided not to text back. It hurt worse knowing that he had seen those texts and didn't text me back. My finger hovered over the delete button. I knew I should've deleted his contact, but there was a huge part of me that thought he might forgive me. I shut my phone off without deleting his contact.

A few minutes later, the alarm went off. Charlotte shot up, a confused look on her face. I would have laughed if I wasn't so upset with myself. Standing up, I shut the alarm off. I silently gathered up my stuff, heading to the bathroom.

I quickly got dressed and brushed my teeth. Charlotte stumbled into the room, her eyes half shut. "Wake up, Char," I said tiredly. "You do this every day."

"I was in the middle of a dream!" she cried out, frowning. "And why are you so mean? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"I've been awake all night," I said, smiling drily. "So, no, I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed."

Charlotte's mouth opened and closed before she said, "I don't even know what to say. It's way too early for this."

"It's only you." I placed my toothbrush back in its place, going back to the bedroom. I felt bad for snapping at Charlotte, but I just wasn't in the mood for her acting like that. I wanted to go to breakfast without her, but I decided to wait for her. I was already mean to her, and she didn't deserve it.

She stepped into our room. "I didn't mean to get on your bad side," she said, raising her hands.

"Hey," I said softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"I know," she said, laughing. "You're only upset with DP."

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "I am not upset with him. I'm upset with myself. You should know that."

"Whatever." She shrugged, grabbing her phone. "Let's go get breakfast. I'm starving."

I barked out a laugh. "I love you, Charlotte. You do annoy me a lot, but I have to love you."

She snorted, throwing an arm around my shoulder. "You wouldn't be anywhere without me, darling."

"Did you just call me darling?"

"Yeah." She laughed. "Not my best moment."

A smile made its way onto my face. It brought me back to a different time. "DP said that once," I said softly.

Charlotte glared at me. "We're not talking about him. Okay?"

I sighed and nodded. "Okay."

Charlotte squeezed my shoulder. She didn't have to say anything. I knew what she was thinking. She didn't want me to cry about him because I had already wasted a lot of tears on boys. However, this wasn't just any boy. He was someone who actually cared for me. Until I ruined it.

"Hey guys!" Paul said happily. He must not have known about my bad mood. For a split second, I hated him for that. "There's pancakes today!" Charlotte and I stayed silent, and he frowned. "Why aren't you two as happy as I am?"

"He's slow," Charlotte told me.

Paul's mouth turned into a perfect 'O.' "Right! I know. I'll tone down my cheer."

"I appreciate it," I said, smiling. "And if I'm rude to you today, know that I don't mean it. I didn't sleep last night."

"Drake didn't either." Charlotte hit Paul on the arm, and he frowned. "What?"

"We aren't talking about him," she said, shaking her head. "You really are slow, babe."

He threw his hands up in the air, saying, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for your previous conversation. I can't read your minds."

"You're fine," I said. "From now on, though, we aren't going to talk about him. I feel bad enough as it is."

"Can I ask one question before we stop talking about it?" Paul asked, entering the cafeteria. He turned around and walked backwards. "I promise I'll stop talking about it after you answer this one question."

"Sure."

"Why did you stand him up? He was talking to me about it before that happened, and he seemed really happy. I don't think I've ever seen him that happy."

I bit my lip, trying not to let my emotions overtake me. Why did I really stand him up? "I guess I was scared to actually meet him. I was afraid that once he met me, he wouldn't like me."

"I was scared to go on my first date with Charlotte," Paul said, shrugging, "but I still went."

"We're two different people."

Paul looked at me, his face screwed up in a frown. "Are we really that different? We both come from a big family, we are incredibly smart, we both have an amazing best friend."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "None of those things show we are similar in the sense of significant others, Paul. You don't know why I was afraid, and you probably won't ever know."

I brushed past Charlotte and Paul, heading toward a random table. I slammed my stuff on the table, sitting down. My head fell into my arms, and I sucked in deep breaths. How could Paul say that? He didn't know what happened to me with my ex, so he had no place in saying that. But that's the problem. He didn't know what happened, so he didn't know that what he was saying carried weight.

I was a mess.