Blind Poets

Poem 62: I'm Here Now.

I'm Here Now.

I hated you--a lot.
For what you did to me...

You broke me in so many ways.
I had to force myself to forget that person I used to be, because I couldn't look in the mirror.

You threw me into a state of depression that lasted five months. In that time I thought if I hated you, it would be easier to let you go. If there was nothing to love anymore, there was nothing to hold onto.

But he broke you in so many ways today.
He broke up with you.
He made a bullshit excuse for why he couldn't love you back, then he ended it and went about his day.
Not a tear from him.

Yet, here you were...
Broken.
Shattered.
In a state of depression.
You were breaking down in ways I've never seen before.
I never saw you cry, not when we were together. But today, you lost it in front of me.

You've never held me that tight, ever.
You were genuinely scared when you cried into my shoulder.
I've never held you tighter, and I've been longing to since July.

And you...
Apologised.

You said,

"I'm sorry..."

I said,

"For what?"

Your voice was on the verge of breaking when you said,

"For hurting you the way I did... I understand it now. I didn't get it before, but I get why it hurt you so much.. It fucking sucks... And I'm so sorry I made you feel like this, genuinely."

In that moment something in me changed.
It hurt a bit, but not for the same reason.
I knew that it was the right thing--you didn't deserve him at all.
It was Obvious.

But I never, ever thought you would say those words.
And you did.
You've grown already.
And so have I.

I've written so much poetry about you, it's insane...

Isn't it Obvious.
Abstrusity.
When I Grow Up.
Favour.
Heart.
Nicest Things.
Looking Back.
My 2019 "Love".
Gifts.
11:11.
My Fear.
Right Now.
evermore.
I Had You.
Question B).
Valentine's.

All of them, trying to put into words what I felt for you.

I never thought I would get closure like this, but it turned out okay.

Part of me loves you still, there will always be that part of me.
But you've gained my respect again.

And I'm here now for you.
I'm sorry it took so long.
But I'm here now.

[em]