Painting

Chapter 3

They leave me in front of my building. They wave their hands at me and give me beautiful smiles. I do the same.

I walk in and I slowly climb the stairs. I unlock the front door of my loft. I go in and I appreciate the silence for a couple of seconds. A few months ago, my parents would have killed me. They would have been so worried. Then again, I don't live with them anymore and they're out of town. They're making the trip of their life, is what my mom said, last time she called me. I leave my purse on the ground, I go in the bathroom. I take off my clothes and go in the shower. As I'm washing my hair, I think about Victor touching my head. Almost instantly, my body starts to relax. I think about what I did last night. I slept with two guys in a bed. The warmth, the safe feeling, I haven't felt that in months. Will I ever get to feel like that again? I get out and as I am drying myself with a towel, I think about Tyler holding my hand next to his chest and I can almost hear his heartbeat. I put my pajamas on and I go sit on the couch in my living room. I try to read a book but my thoughts wonder about Teddy, my ex-boyfriend. It's so weird to say that, I thought he would never let me go. Again, I think about that one time I tried to break-up with him, on my own. I close my eyes, trying to forget.

(1 month before real break up)

-And where do you think you're going?

I have my purse with my toothbrush and my last shirt, the one, I didn't sneak out of his apartment, last week, in my left hand. I have my winter coat on. I'm searching for my phone in my pockets. Teddy is in front of his door. I say softly:

-I'm leaving you.

-I didn't hear you correctly.

I say louder this time.

-I am breaking up with you and I am moving out of here.

-I knew, those missing clothes of yours were something suspicious and where are you going to live?

-I'm not telling you.

-Well, that doesn't matter... Because you're not leaving.

-What?

I see him locking his door from the inside. It's not the first time.

-Teddy, please, don't make this harder than it has to be.

-You're the one talking. June, I love you, can't you see that?

-I know.

-Then why do you do that? Why are you doing this to me? I gave you a place to live, a place where you could be safe. I did so many things for you.

-I'm not safe here and you know that. Now, please unlock the door.

-No, we need to talk.

I can hear a little bit of desperation in his voice.

-There's nothing to discuss. I'm leaving and it's final.

-No, you're not.

-Fine, I'll call my parents, they'll come and you won't have any other choice but to let me go.

I search for my phone and I see Teddy smiling. I start to panic, I search in my purse. It's nowhere to be found. I see it in his right hand.

-Who are you going to call if you don't even have your phone?

-Give it back!

-If you accept to talk and if you say that you're not leaving anymore.

-Fine. I won't leave, now give it back!

-Take your winter coat off.

I take it off.

-Now, go sit on the couch.

-No, let me go, please.

Each time he said to me, to go sit on the couch, it wasn't a good thing.

-The couch. Now.

I leave my purse on the ground and I go sit. He sits next to me. I want to run. Run far away. I'm like a bird in cage. His bird in a cage. He won't unlock the door and set me free.

-There that's better.

He smiles. He takes my hand and kisses it. I shiver when his lips touch my skin.

-You shivered. You see? I can't let you go just yet. I've got so many things to say.

What does he want to tell me? I want to go. I don't want to fall for his game anymore.

-I did what you wanted me to do, now give me my phone and let me go.

-Tell me why you want to leave.

-You're possessive and jealous. I can't deal with it anymore and you won't let me...

-Wait! What?

-Talk...

-That's because I love you.

-Keeping someone from the outside world is not a way to show love.

-I'm not. I just, I just want you to be safe. Isn't that a way to show love?