Painting

Chapter 11

I am craving something. It must be the greatest pain I've ever felt, but it's a good one. Not like the one I used to feel. I miss them so much. It's been seven days since I last talked to them. Why? I mean, I only saw them twice. But I told them what happened with Teddy, something I didn't even tell my parents about. What the hell did I do? I must have scared them away. They thought I was weird and they didn't want to have any contact with me anymore.

I'm in my bed and I'm trying to read. The book back on the nightstand. I am laying there and I don't know what to do. I'm tired, but I can't sleep.

A notification. Teddy, again. He can't leave me alone. I mean seriously, doesn't he have a new girlfriend? A new girl, a girl more adventurous, more "like him" and prettier than me.

Teddy: Hey!

June: What do you want?

Teddy: Chill a bit. I think you know exactly what I want.

June: No, I don't know, I don't want to know and I have no intention of giving anything to you. Bye.

Teddy: Wait! No, seriously. I'm worrying about you. I just want you to be safe.

June: Is that right? You don't have to worry about me, I can do it myself. Thank you.

Teddy: It's okay. I'm going to find out soon enough, anyway, nothing and no one can hide from me. Even you.

I take a picture of the conversation and send it to Tyler. It's a matter of seconds before he sees it. I wait a bit and I write:

-What should I do?

-Nothing, he's just trying to scare you.

-You don't know him, he'll do anything to get what he wants. It's only a matter of days, before he finds out where I live.

-I see, if he makes a move, just contact one of us, in any way possible.

-Okay. Thanks! Good night!

-Good night! (I'm sorry we didn't text you before)

I turn off my phone and get under the covers.

He'll do anything to get what he wants. Now that I said it to someone it makes it real. Anything. He'll find out. Everything. Where I live, a spare key for the front door. Even where Tyler and Victor live. I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew. He's there in the corner of my street, looking at my window.

No, you're starting to be paranoid. Stop it. He is far away.

I get up and run on the tip of my toes to the front of my window. I look outside, a few people are walking by, but nothing too suspicious. There is one person that seems a bit off. He is on the other side of the street. He's just standing there, he's not doing anything. I can't see his face.

My heart is racing, my brain is imagining all sorts of scenarios. He knows I'm looking at him. He'll come in my building and he'll open my door. I won't be able to move, just standing there, until he's behind me. He'll just take me with him, simple as that. He'll take me far away. We'll go in another country. He won't let me out of wherever we are going to live and out of his sight. I won't be able to see the people I love. He won't make the same mistake twice, he won't let me go.

My heart is pounding in my chest. I can't see him anymore. He must be already in my building. Climbing the stairs. He'll be pounding on my door in any second.

I can't move. I just stand there, watching the first snowfall of the season.

No. There he is walking in the street, he takes off his hood, it's not Teddy. It's just a regular guy. He must be cold, that's all.

I take the occasion to see if my front door is really locked. It is. I go back in my room and get under the covers.

I'm shaking uncontrollably.

I end up falling asleep, but I have an agitated night. I wake up many times, not able to breathe. One time, I get up again. I open up a window and take a deep breath. I look at the time. 3:59 AM. I put my lace kimono on. The kitchen floor is cold under my feet. It brings me back to reality. I think I've never been so thirsty in my entire life. I take two glasses full of water. It helps a little bit. I need to keep my mind occupied. I decide what my outfit will be today. I take the book I left on the table, in front of the TV. I read. A lot. Until, my eyes beg me to go back to sleep. Until my head is full of wonderful things.

I wake up at 9:02 AM. My last alarm, my "emergency" alarm, has been going off for two minutes. I get up, put my clothes on and run to work.

I enter by the main door of the store. My boss smiles when he sees me, I do the same.

I placed all the books on the shelves. No clients are coming. So I go discreetly in the romance section. I wander a little, letting my fingers slightly touch the rows of books. I know every single row. All sorts of subjects are covered in this section. Well, sub-subjects, because romance is the main one. There are books about classic love stories, like Romeo and Juliet. More contemporary stories, people meeting their soulmates on Internet, all of that. Also, kinky stories, there is a sub-section, just for that kind of book. I always smile when I have to put new ones in it.

I think about the people that are going to buy them. Some of them come to the register, they are confident and they are smiling. They ask me if I read it. I always say yes. I read all the books that end up in the romance section. My boss gives me one spare book of each one in that section. I have a nice book shelf in my loft, now. They ask me if it's good, I say it depends on what they like. They go on with their day, smiling. They are going to have a nice night. After reading it.

On the other hand, there are the others, the shy ones. They come to the register, they are almost hiding the book, like it's some sort of drug. Don't get me wrong, I do think, reading is some sort of drug, but why do they have hide it? I don't care about what you're reading. As long as you pay for it.

Why would you hide any book? Whatever it's subject is, it's an escape from the world. You just have to read a few sentences and a new world comes alive, right in front of you. You don't even have to get up. You turn off your phone, you put something on your ears to block the other sounds and you sit on a couch. As simple as that.

Maybe that's it, people don't want to show that they want to escape the world, if that makes sense.

Maybe I have problems with social interactions. People are just too complicated. I never know what to say or to do. You never know what they are thinking about. You don't know about their past. You don't know what they've gone through. You don't know what will offend them. If I could just read their minds, it would be much easier. Or maybe I'm asking myself too many questions.