Painting

Chapter 16

WARNING: This part may trigger bad memories or sexual trauma. 

(2 months before real break up)

Teddy puts his face closer to mine. His body is dangerously close. I can feel his slow heartbeat. Mine is rushing, I'm trembling. I can't breathe properly and Teddy seems to be aware of that.

-June.

-Wh... What?

-Breathe. With me.

He takes a big breath with me and I calm down a bit.

-Well first, for now, I don't care about who it was on the phone. But I know something else, your boss...

- My boss? What about him?

-There is something between you two.

-No, there's nothing going on, believe me. I would never do that to you.

-The way he was looking at you seems to say the opposite.

-You think so?

He laughs a little bit.

-You see? I knew it. Now, that's on the table. Who was it on the phone?

-No one.

He looks at me and puts his face closer to mine.

-You are lying. I can see it in your face, it was someone you care about, a lot. Love them even.

-Yes, but I...

-I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anymore of your lies. You lie about the person on the phone and you lie about your employer.

-No, I don't, I'm telling you there is nothing between us.

He sighs.

-June, be honest, why does he give you free books? If you don't pay money for it and your salary stays the same, what do you give him?

I open up my mouth, I don't know what to say. I didn't know he knew my employer was giving me free books.

-You seem surprised, you thought I didn't know about that?

Something changes. His eyes widen. 

-I know everything about you. I've watched you, for months, before meeting in person. Again you seem surprised. I think everyone should do that, before they make acquaintance with someone. Gosh! I'm your boyfriend, June! I know everything there is to know about you. Every single secret.

He sighs again and he says with an even rougher, but very calm tone:

-Now you're right where I like you to be, when you lie to me. Back against the wall. Defenseless, shivering and scared. Right where liars belong...

Everything goes blurry. No. I can't cry. I'm shaking uncontrollably. My eyes are closed and I try to push Teddy.

-Are you trying to push me away?

I push harder, but he takes my hands and puts them above my head. I turn my head and close my eyes again.

-Look at me.

I don't move. I stay there, waiting for it to stop, like I always do. I've gotten pretty good at that.

-Look at me!

I stay like that. Don't move. He'll go easy on you if you stay silent and still.

-Fine. If you don't want to, then I'll make you want to.

He takes my wrists and keeps them above my head with only one hand. He takes my chin with the other one and forces me to look at him. I open up my eyes and he's right there. Looking at me like... like a monster.

-Now listen to me, when I tell you to do something, you do it.

I nod and he smiles. He bites his lower lip, again. At this rate he might just, wound himself.

-You know, everything I do, is because I care about you, right?

He takes one lock of my hair and puts it back behind my ear.

-And now I think you need a stress reliever.

He smiles once more and I understand what he meant.

I try to escape, try to stop him from holding my hands. He just puts his other hand back on my wrists and put more weight on me.

-Stop struggling. Don't fight it. Or else. I just want you to relax.

-But I don't want to. Let me go.

-Just breathe.

Teddy puts his knee between my legs. Tears are swelling in my eyes. He slowly brings it up. I try to scream but he puts his hand on my mouth.

-Shhh... There, that's right... I'll just rub you a little, okay... Don't worry, I won't take anything off you. I swear. I just want you to relax and forget all about this incident. You'll be grateful after this, I promise. Then you'll be comfortable. Can I take my hand off of your mouth? Here, I'll wipe those tears away.