Painting

Chapter 54

Sometimes I wish I would drink. I wish, I would get tipsy and go have fun. I wish, I was normal. I hate that I'm not like everyone else. I can't. If I ever get tipsy, I'll be honest. I can't be honest. People are going to run as far as they can away from me, if they only knew.

If only they knew my deepest secret. I don't trust anyone.

Not even my parents. At one point in my life, I stopped sharing what was on my heart with them. "Remember, we are there for you", they used to say. I smile and give them hope. I realize, it was so mean, because afterwards that hope would slowly be crushed as the days would go by and they would be back to square one. "Why won't you say anything to us?" I don't know mom, maybe I don't want to see those patronizing looks you used to give me, whenever I would talk about my problems. That's probably why I never told them about Teddy.

When I was younger, my parents used to ask me a lot, why I didn't have a boyfriend. I remember not being able to answer. I didn't know. Now, I know. Maybe it's because I have a hard time trusting people, why though? Maybe because I have a hard time trusting the people I should trust the most.

I'm mean today, should I be talking about my parents like that? That's a bit much. Perhaps, I'm putting all of my problems on one source. My parents definitely weren't perfect, but they were better than a lot of other parents.

Today, living hurts more than ever. If I could only stop crying for a moment. If the pain could fade away, a little bit. When I'm with Tyler and Victor, the pain actually stops.

If they help you so much, why aren't you with them, right now? Or at least, why aren't you contacting them? You need to get away from Teddy. You know that, right?

Yes, I know.

Let me find the things that are causing my issues. Just let me act like Sigmund Freud for a little bit.