Painting

Chapter 13

(2 months before real break up)

I finish my soup and my phone rings. Teddy tries to take peak at my screen, but I take it before he does. It's my mom. She is probably calling me from Germany. My parents are traveling a lot these days. I go in the bathroom and lock myself in.

I talk to my mom for a while. A while, that's a big word. Let's just say, I end the call when I feel like Teddy might get suspicious.

I come out and Teddy isn't siting at the table. The TV is off. I turn my head.

I jump. Teddy is leaning against the wall beside the door. Looking at his nails. He slowly turns his head and looks at me. He bites his lower lip and pass his tongue on his teeth. That's not good, he does that when he is suspicious. I should have ended the call sooner. I put my phone in my back pocket. He walks away from the wall. That's a relief.

He just wanted to hear the conversation. Probably to make sure that my parents were doing fine. Yes. That must be it. I'm trying to calm myself down. Everything is going to be fine. If I propose something maybe he'll take things slow. My breathing increases. I say:

-Teddy?

-Hmm...

-Do you want to cuddle on the sofa?

-Yes that would be great.

I smile and I breathe out. He's not angry. That's good. We'll have a good night, without any bad things. Just like last night. We are going to cuddle and then we're going to sleep in his bed. He'll be gentle and tomorrow, I'll go to work with only one mark to worry about.

-But first, who was it? On the phone, I mean.

My breathing increases and my heart starts to pound in my chest.

-It was...

-You took long to answer.

-But I didn't even...

-You didn't think I would become suspicious? You locked yourself in the bathroom, the only room you can lock yourself in, of all my apartment.

-I didn't know, I didn't mean to... I just...

My voice breaks a little. Why does he always have to be like that? He doesn't trust me. He never trusts me. I'm sick of it. Seriously, but this time I won't let him talk to me like that. I say with a harsh tone:

-What is it? You don't trust me?Who do you think it was? Someone else? Another guy perhaps? You know what? I would be happy about that.

I talked too much. His breathing is increasing. His hands and his lower lip are trembling. His fists are clenching. Gosh, I should shut my mouth and just listen. Like he tells me to do. It's my fault. He just wants to have a great relationship and I mess up, all the time. I'm so stupid. I receive even more than I deserve and I just trow it away.

He walks toward me and I move back. Sooner that I expect it, my back is against the wall, that same wall, Teddy was leaning on. I think I never realized how tall he was until now. He can be so intimidating, when he wants to.

-Teddy, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. Let's just cuddle on the sofa, okay?